come morning light you & I'll be safe & sound-Dean

[ALEXANDRIA LEAH CROSS]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] the girl in the moon --- Lexi was just coming back from one of her walks. She had needed to get out to clear her head. Very early in the morning, Daniel had showed up at the hospital with Dean. Yes, Dean as in her dead husband. Well, he wasn’t so dead. Apparently he had swam the distance to some sort of island and had lived there for almost three years. Then a cruise ship picked him up a little over a week ago. It had all been kept out of the papers and his parents took him home but didn’t call her or Jayce. And here Lexi was carrying on with Jayce without any real care in the world. She had felt guilty after the first couple times together but he had assured Lexi there was no reason to feel guilty about it. Which, she didn’t until she saw Dean. Then guilt washed over her. And not just guilt for messing around with Jayce but for giving into Dean’s parents and signing the petition for declaration of death-for giving up hope. At the time Lexi really did feel hopeless. She had all kinds of people in her ear telling to give up because he was dead. And Dean’s parents blamed her for his death-no, going missing. She now had to refer to it as going missing. Just like she had to learn to live without Dean in her life, now she had to relearn how to live with him in her life. She had no clue what spending all that time alone on an island had done to him. She knew his appearance was a little more hardened then she remembered. Lexi remembered he used to have nightmares about the war before leaving and now, after enduring so much time alone, she wondered if they had gotten worse. Before she had usually been able to calm him down afterwards though she had never been able to help him eliminate them. Lexi slipped in through one of the back doors. When she had left Dean had been sleeping and she didn’t know if he still was or not. She ran into Daniel on her way to go take a shower. Apparently he and Leila were going to go away for a couple days so that her and Dean could spend some time together. The way Daniel said it made her shift uncomfortably. She was glad to have some time so her and Dean could just…figure things out but she didn’t know what everyone expected to happen. They had just been reunited after three years. It’s not like it was because of some normal break-up. No everyone thought he was dead and there was a lot of feelings to work through to get past it. Lexi crept up to her bathroom and peeled out of her exercise clothes before she stepped into the shower. It didn’t take long for her to get cleaned up and then changed. she slipped on a blue sweater dress with some grey leggings. Her hair was pulled up into a very loose bun and only mascara was applied for make-up. Lexi finally slipped her stud earrings in along with her mother’s ring and wedding set. It felt weird having her wedding rings back on but oddly comforting as well. Daniel had said Dean was wandering around the house last time they had seen one another so she didn’t remain as quiet when she went into the kitchen. Despite it only being about three o’clock she wanted to get dinner prepped. She decided to make Dean his favorite meal of mashed potatoes and meatloaf. The first part was easy enough. She took the parsley, garlic and onion powder and mixed it with the hamburger before she stuck it back in the fridge to sit for a little bit. Lexi the grabbed the bag of baby red potatoes and began to cut them up into chunks so that she could make the smashed potatoes. Her phone was hooked up to some sound system Daniel had bought and was playing her Pandora station based off Matt Nathanson. Lexi hummed along, just trying to keep her mind from going everywhere at once. tag: dean outfit: click! lyric credit: everly notes: --

credit to BABY DARLING ! @ caution 2.0

[DEAN GRAYSON BLACKWELL]

LETTHERAINWASHAWAYALLTHEPAINOFYESTERDAY
BACKWHEREIBELONGINEVERFELTSOSTRONG
T E L L T H E W O R L D T H A T I M C O M I N G H O M E

everything was happening so fast for dean. only a short while ago he'd still been stranded on that island, not knowing how much longer he'd be there, or if he'd ever get off. once finding out that alexandria was no longer living in california, he'd booked a flight to hope harbor as soon as possible, and before he knew it, was at daniel zakarian's doorstep. the reunion at the hospital was quite a scene. he'd waited in one of the doctor's offices, oliver welcott, while they broke the news to her. she freaked out, of course, which didn't surprise him. but once things had calmed down, they all went back to daniel and leila's house, the ride home pretty quiet, since everyone was still in shock.

dean couldn't stop staring at his wife. he hadn't seen, touched, or talked to her in all that time, and he couldn't believe how easy it now was for him to do all three. he would have killed for just a picture of her while he was there, but all he had was his memory. he wasn't sure if she was looking incredibly more beautiful than she had the last time he saw her, or if his memory had just been that bad. once they reached the zakarian's house, alexandria had said she wanted to go for a walk, and dean didn't mind. it was her way of thinking and clearing her head, and he was sure she needed to do a lot of that. your dead husband showing up after three years wasn't exactly an easy thing to take, so he figured he had it much easier than her.

he'd dropped off to sleep when lexi left, suddenly finding himself exhausted. dean knew part of it had to be from his nerves and the stress of the situation, plus he hadn't slept much since the cruise liner had picked him up. he woke a few hours later and decided to wander around the house for a bit. daniel had told him that lexi was getting a shower, so that gave him a little more time to think. he sat down in a chair, sitting forward to rest his elbows on his knees. dean examined his wedding ring, realizing he'd have to have it cleaned as he hadn't taken it off in all the time he'd been stranded. he'd been too afraid of losing it.

dean heard faint noises coming from downstairs and went down to investigate, hoping it was alexandria. he didn't know the house, of course, and it was big, but the music that played helped him to locate the kitchen pretty fast. as he reached it, he saw that it was, in fact, his wife. he didn't make his presence known, however, just enjoying watching her movements, and listening to her hum along with the music as a small smile touched his lips. her hair was pulled up loosely, but in a very attractive way, and she wore a simple but he thought, sexy outfit. but at this point she could have been wearing a potato sack and dean would have thought the same thing.

he was leaning against the doorway, his hands in his jean pockets, as he finally decided to let her know he was there. hey sweet pea, dean greeted, loud enough for her to hear over the music, but hopefully not enough to startle her too bad. he'd always called her that, and just saying it brought back memories.

notes ?! <3
words ?! SIX ONE EIGHT
tagg ?! LEXI
wearing ?! OUTFIT
credit ?! REAL SLIM SHADY !? @ Caution 2.0
[/color]
[/size]

[ALEXANDRIA LEAH CROSS]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] the girl in the moon --- People said life was like a rollercoaster. Lexi felt like the rollercoaster had stopped three ago when Dean had been taken out of her life. Their life felt like it was at the peak and that’s where her life had paused. She lived her life numbly for the last three years. Yes, she could still live her life and be happy enough. It didn’t mean she had been entirely fine despite her convincing people she was. The bottle of anxiety pills in her medicine cabinet was evidence of that which is one reason Daniel was always so worried about her. It made her drowsy and allowed her to nap for a couple hours before her walk. If you could call it sleeping. Mostly Leila watched Lexi to make sure she didn’t have a freak out and that’s why she decided to take a walk. Her head was spinning with too many things. Just twenty-four hours ago her and Jayce had had a major talk. She had been considering it-seriously considering it. But now...everything was different. Lexi had her husband back. Something she had wanted for so long. How did she get to the point where she had messed around with two brothers? Yes, she didn’t know Dean was alive but that was besides the point. Before a couple weeks ago, she had only ever been with Dean. Only him. And deep down she still only wanted to be with him. Lexi had married Dean, not Jayce. That meant something to her. And if Dean ever found out it would kill him inside. She knew it and Jayce better realize it to until they could figure things out. So, she was faced with a choice. Lexi just wished things were easier. Either way, she would end up hurting somebody and it had the chance to ruin so many things. Lexi moved away from the river she had been thinking by before she headed back. The great thing about her family being a founding family was the amount of life they owned. She had plenty of places to explore. Plenty of places to think. Lexi decided to feel out the next few days before making any final decisions but her vows came before anything else. Those vows, her wedding day, is what played through her mind several times as she showered and got into clean clothing. Then she had been different. Traces of that little blonde girl remained but she had been buried deep by grief. Lexi began to slice at the potatoes after she pushed her sleeves up some. The chunks were tossed into a large bowl as she focused on the task at hand. Focusing on something else besides the tornado of thoughts. The music was helping to soothe her. One of the staff came in and offered to help Lexi but she told them she was fine on her own. That was one thing Lexi hated about moving into her grandparents house-the staff. It was needed but that had never been how she did things when her and Dean ahd their own place. She preferred to do everything herself. She was one of the ones where cleaning and cooking kept her calm. It was a way to channel her stress. Better then what some people did. Lexi was mostly through the back when she head Dean’s deep voice in the doorway. She looked over her shoulder and smiled. ”Hey.” It warmed her heart to hear him call her ‘sweet pea’. The two always had a couple nicknames for each other depending on what mood they were in. She wiped her hand on a towel before she turned the music down. It all felt surreal seeing him standing there in his jeans and t-shirt. For a moment it felt like he had never left. But the tan across his skin and the look over his face reminded her that it had all happened. The memory of the pieces of the boat on the beach, Daniel and Jayce trying to keep her from collapsing as the coast guard told her no body had been found. She felt a tightness in her chest and had to squeeze her eyes shut while she shook her head. Her hand had been gripping too tight at the knife which caused her knuckles to go white. Lexi loosened her grip and let out a slow breath of air. She shook out the thoughts that plagued her memories, knowing that it had to be way worse on Dean’s end of things. She sniffled a moment before she put on a soft smile. All the while she went back to finishing the last few potatoes as she stole glances in his direction. ”Did you sleep well?” Lexi really wasn’t sure what they should talk about. He had been gone for almost three years. Where did one begin with anything? tag: dean outfit: click! lyric credit: everly notes: --

credit to BABY DARLING ! @ caution 2.0

[DEAN GRAYSON BLACKWELL]

LETTHERAINWASHAWAYALLTHEPAINOFYESTERDAY
BACKWHEREIBELONGINEVERFELTSOSTRONG
T E L L T H E W O R L D T H A T I M C O M I N G H O M E

while lexi had been sleeping, dean decided to talk to daniel for a bit. he asked about her and how she'd been in his absence, sure that she'd taken it hard. despite that, he told him that she'd been doing pretty well, considering. that relieved him a little bit, though he still felt terrible for her, being without a husband and under the impression that he was dead and gone for three years. after that, dean had said he wanted to get some sleep while alexandria went for a walk.

dean wondered if she'd dated anyone while he was gone. he wouldn't have blamed her if she had, thinking he was dead. though he honestly didn't see her doing something like that, especially since it'd only been three years. but despite the fact that he'd understand, it would still upset him. dean really wouldn't be mad at lexi for it, just upset with the situation. plus, he'd always been a jealous husband.

he hadn't really noticed what she was making, but now he thought he smelled potatoes and meat. dean's mouth watered. he had had nothing but seafood for the last three years, so anything other than fish sounded and smelled amazing to him. plus, he knew how good a cook his wife was and he couldn't wait to try it. the idea of sitting down and eating a meal with alexandria seemed so.. normal. it was hard to believe that it was actually happening.

dean smiled back when she turned to look at him. he'd missed that smile so much, and now he'd get to see it as much as he wanted. as long as she was happy, that is. he was glad for the fact that his parents had bought him some clothes in the short time he'd been in california. otherwise he would have had to borrow some of daniel's and he wasn't sure how well they would have fit. it was weird to be wearing new clothes, but it felt nice, too. dean frowned a little as she tightened her grip on the knife, though he couldn't see her face. alex, what's wrong? he asked with evident concern, pushing off the door frame and walked over to her. as yet, dean hadn't really touched his wife in anyway, but he placed his hand gently on her back, massaging it a little. it felt wonderful to have some sort of physical contact with her once again, even if it was just minor for now. it was probably best to take things slow at first, though he wasn't sure how long that thinking would last.

he saw her relax and brought his hands up to her shoulders, rubbing them for her. dean paused, moving them to her upper arms as he brought his head down to place a kiss on her neck. he inhaled her scent, kissing her again, then just resting his head on her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. i've missed you so much, dean whispered to her, releasing her after a few moments, knowing she was trying to cook. he leaned against the counter close by, watching her again. slept like a log, he replied with a laugh. can i help you with anything? he used to help her make dinner sometimes, and they'd always had fun doing, though it took longer to prepare it that way, since he'd tended to mess around quite a bit.

he realized he hadn't seen daniel or leila in a while, and wondered where they'd got to. did daniel and leila go out to dinner? dean asked, curiously. he was hoping that was the case, since being alone with lexi for a while would be nice. though the house was big enough that it'd seem like they were alone even if they weren't.

notes ?! <3
words ?! SIX EIGHT ZERO
tagg ?! LEXI
wearing ?! OUTFIT
credit ?! REAL SLIM SHADY !? @ Caution 2.0
[/color]
[/size]

[ALEXANDRIA LEAH CROSS]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] the girl in the moon --- Before Dean had come around the kitchen, she had gotten the rest of the meatloaf ready. She added the chopped onions and celery, ketchup, egg, breadcrumbs and obviously ketchup. Her hands worked the mixture of ingredients together before she put it in the pan. She added her special topping of ketchup, honey and Heinz 57 sauce over the top before she stuck it in the oven, setting the timer for an hour from now. With her hands clean of the raw ingredients she was able to return to the potatoes. Cooking and cleaning really were great soothing mechanisms for Lexi. Her mind was so focused on the task at home that she often forgot any of the bad that had touched her life. She worked her body and mind until the task was completed and she let reality crash back. Now her reality would hopefully be a positive one but one couldn’t be sure. She wasn’t sure if Dean would like who she had become. No, she hadn’t changed drastically but she had thrown herself into her job to avoid prolonged periods of time with her family. She hated how they were always s wondering how she was doing. And when not at work, usually she holed herself up somewhere or cruised vintage and thrift shops. Those were just minor to keep her from thinking the biggest question: what if he hated her like his parents now did? And, did they even tell him what they thought of her? Probably not... Lexi had suffered terrible anxiety attacks when he had left. They were mostly under control but she felt one coming on. So many memories flooded her mind. The good of their life before he had gone missing and the bad of their fights and especially the disagreement form right before he left. While it wasn’t particularly bad terms, she always felt such a heavy burden of guilt on her shoulders and in her heart because of it. No one outside of Daniel knew the guilt she felt and he was sworn to keep her secret. Not even her parents knew the extent of how she felt. They all thought she had truly moved on and Lexi let them. She just didn’t want to think about any of it around them because she might break down. When dean asked her what was wrong, her cheeks burned bright. On her walk she had vowed not to let him worry about her or her emotions. He was the one who went through having his sail boat get wrecked, swimming to a deserted island and being by himself for all these months upon months. ”Nothing I’m fine. My hand cramped is all.” Lexi was not a girl who lied. She despised it and that‘s why she felt bad hiding her true emotions from Dean. Yes, she put on a façade to the world that she was fine but that was easy because most days she was. She wasn’t particularly overjoyed with her life but she was happy enough. Lexi’s back stiffened slightly when he first touched her. Tears sprang to her eyes. It all felt like a dream. For so long after he had gone missing she actually thought she felt him with her. Felt his hands on her as she sat on the couch or him holding her close in their bed. But it was always a dream. Just a dream…and now it wasn’t. Now she actually felt the pressure of his hands on her back and then her shoulders. Still, she didn’t let the salty tears fall until he pressed his lips to her skin. Lexi swallowed a lump of emotions as she finally allowed her emotions to flood her. All the years they had missed out being close to one another and expressing their love to one another. All that love came out as she placed her arms over his. Lexi’s head pressed to his as she nuzzled him slightly. ”I missed you too, Remy. More then you could know.” Lexi’s hands squeezed at his wrists before he released her from his grasp. Lexi reached up to swipe away the tears that had streaked down her face. She grabbed the potatoes and rinsed them off before she put them in the deep pot filled with water. A tense laugh left her lips though she was beginning to relax considerably so. Lexi flicked on the burner before she shook her head. ”No everything’s been started. Should be done in a half hour or so.” Lexi moved a damp rag over the counter before she washed off her own hands and slide onto a stool made for the island counters. ”Um no they decided to go away for a couple days. You know, take some time to do things baby free while they can.” She shrugged her shoulders as she looked down and smoothed her dress out over her tan leggings. ”They also thought it’d be a good time for us to have some time with just the two of us.” Lexi finally looked back up at him. Emotions threatened to spill over again but she was able to hold them back. Lexi clasped her hands together. While her elbows rested on the granite counter tops she rested her chin on them. the silence filled the room before she drew in a deep breath. ”I would’ve come out to California if I had known. You know that right?” Lexi didn’t want him to think she didn’t care because she did. If someone had called her she would have flown out there without a second thought to anything. Not her job, family, Jayce...none of that mattered compared to knowing Dean was still alive and seemingly well. tag: dean outfit: click! lyric credit: everly notes: so many feels!

credit to BABY DARLING ! @ caution 2.0

[DEAN GRAYSON BLACKWELL]

LETTHERAINWASHAWAYALLTHEPAINOFYESTERDAY
BACKWHEREIBELONGINEVERFELTSOSTRONG
T E L L T H E W O R L D T H A T I M C O M I N G H O M E

dean had been puzzled by the fact that his parents wouldn't tell him anything about lexi when he returned. he'd asked repeatedly as to her whereabouts, but they'd continually skirted his questions. he honestly didn't know what there issue was, and didn't bother sticking around long enough to find out. he could figure it out later, at that moment just wanting to see his wife again. with everything else going on, dean hadn't really thought about it since leaving california, but once he remembered about it he would no doubt question lexi as to why they would have a problem with her.

after he'd been stranded on the island, dean could only think of the argument they'd had right before he left. he'd felt terrible about it, unable to stop from playing it over and over in his head and tortured by the fact that there was nothing he could do about it unless or until he was rescued. he wanted to apologize to alexandria in the worst way but he couldn't. months passed and eventually he was able to overcome some of the guilty feelings, though they weren't completely gone. dean had promised himself that he would apologize to his wife as soon as he saw her again. not just for that, but for everything else that had happened. all the disagreements they'd had, him leaving that fateful morning and getting himself stranded. of course he hadn't done it on purpose, but that didn't mean he felt any better about it.

dean frowned a little at her reply, suspicious about whether that was the true or not. he didn't want to start anything, however, so he didn't voice his doubts about it. if you're sure, he replied, unsure of what else to say. things were a bit awkward between them still, which was no surprise with how long they'd spent apart. dean didn't like the fact that lexi had lied to him. in the past, she hadn't been one to do so, especially not to him. or maybe he was wrong and she was telling the truth. maybe his time in solitude had screwed up his brain when it came to people skills.

he felt her back stiffen under his touch, trying not to let that fact upset him. what could he expect? dean had been thinking about this moment and moments like it as soon as he'd been rescued. well, before that, but more frequently when he realized he'd finally see her again after all this time. three years may not have sounded like an extremely long time, but for him it'd felt more like ten or more. dean's survival skills had taken over almost immediately, once he'd slept off his exhaustion. the morning after it'd happened he prepared for a long stay, even though he didn't think it would be necessary. building a shelter to protect him from the rain, then working on ways to collect water and catch fish. dean was a pro when it came to the outdoors, which turned out to be a good thing, or he may not have survived.

he didn't realize she was crying till he felt a drop on his arm. dean held her closer, wishing he could rewind the past three years and decide not to go sailing that morning. but he couldn't. there was nothing he or anyone else could do to change the past, so he could only take care of the present and the future. he planned on being the best husband and friend to lexi he could be, not wanting her to suffer grief and heartache ever again, though dean knew that life sometimes threw hard balls. hadn't she gone through enough already, though?

a smile touched his lips as her arms rested on his and she nuzzled against him. dean felt himself getting emotional when she called him 'remy'. lexi had given him that nickname because of his love for guns and hunting. he was able to keep his emotions in check, however, at least for the time being. she had already been crying and it wouldn't do for both of them to start. dean supposed he was on the emotional side, for a guy. and his being in seclusion for the past three years probably hadn't helped. he hadn't been back in the 'real' world for long enough to adjust, yet. that's what it felt like. the island was a completely different world from this one, like his own private hell on earth. no escape. that's what it'd felt like, anyway.

dean knew lexi enough to know that she was beginning to relax a little. it wasn't much, but he'd take it. he realized that he was pretty tense himself, and forced his muscles to relax some. he nodded when she told him that she'd done everything, wishing he would have come down sooner. good. he was getting pretty hungry by this point. dean could now smell what it was that she was cooking. is that what i think it is? dean asked, his mouth beginning to water again just thinking about meatloaf. he watched her sit, deciding to remain on his feet as he listened to her explanation. i see. he'd been looking at nothing in particular, but not at her, until she went on. he looked over at her, seeing that she was already looking at him, and he saw the emotion in her eyes. he looked back down, nodding slowing and scratching his chin as he thought about that. dean wanted to have time alone with his wife, of course. he was just still kind of in a shock that this was actually, really happening. that's probably a good idea, he finally said. they had a lot they needed to talk about, but he wasn't ready to delve into that as of yet. it was just too overwhelming.

dean felt an uncomfortable silence beginning to settle in, making him shift awkwardly. things had never been awkward between them in the past, but he wasn't stupid enough to think that neither of them had been changed from the experience and the fact they hadn't seen each other in years. it was only natural for things to be a bit awkward at first, but he hoped it wouldn't last long. dean looked up as he heard her intake of breath. i know, was his simple reply as he met her gaze. i wanted to be there when you found out, though. he was glad that he'd done it the way he had, knowing she would have freaked out anyway, no matter the way she found out. but the fact that he'd been there, trying to calm her down, had maybe helped. though he couldn't be sure. either way, dean was just happy to have his wife back and be off that damned island.

notes ?! <3
words ?! ONE ONE NINE EIGHT
tagg ?! LEXI
wearing ?! OUTFIT
credit ?! REAL SLIM SHADY !? @ Caution 2.0
[/color]
[/size]

[ALEXANDRIA LEAH CROSS]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] the girl in the moon --- Lexi nodded, trying to put on her brightest smile. ”Mhmm I’m fine.” She was able to convince the rest of the world she was fine but Dean had always been different. He was always able to see past her masks which is why she normally never held back how she was feeling. But Lexi didn’t want to upset him. She wanted him to get adjusted to being back first. Especially being back in Maine when the last place they had lived was California. She had sold their home, unable to be surrounded by the ghosts that haunted her. It was bad enough when she lost their son but losing him just made things so much worse. Lexi felt like she couldn’t breath when within the confines of the walls and windows. Lexi didn’t want to be this tense around him but she couldn’t help it. Her body wanted to just melt into his. But her mind and her heart? They were going a million miles a minute. Between everything with Jayce twenty-four hours ago and her anger. Yes, some anger. Anger at Dean’s parents. Anger at herself. Even some anger at him. Why didn’t he check the maritime reports that morning? Why wasn’t he paying attention? He was such a good sailor. Why did that morning have to be different? Dean left her all alone with a broken heart and a broken life around her. Her entire future was pulled out from underneath her and everything she thought she knew was gone. She thought her in-laws had loved her but they had turned on her so fast after the police had spoken to Lexi. As if she wasn’t already feeling the pain they just shoved the knife deeper into her heart. Lexi wanted to keep crying. She just wanted to unleash everything she was feeling but this was not the moment. Not yet. They had hardly had a full conversation. Actually this was really their first real words outside of that hospital. They could talk about everything later on. When? Who knows. For now Lexi pulled herself together. She had to in order to keep him from getting upset. That didn’t mean they couldn’t share a moment. Lexi drank in as he had his firm arms around her and his chest was against her back. They had stood like this so many times before but this felt brand new. This was a brand new version of them after all. His scent was not one she remembered full but traces of the “old Dean” clung to it. A new brand of soap was thrown into the mix but Lexi could find herself getting used to it quickly. Lexi chuckled as she nodded in his direction. ”Yeah I figured it was one dish that wouldn’t be too bad to make for your first meal here. Plus, I’m uh not sure how most of the other foods here would settle. Leila only want spicy foods so that’s the main thing this household eats.” Lexi wasn’t sure what his diet on the island had been. Were there small animals for him to hunt or just seafood? Did he eat any of the plant life? She assumed the doctors had to have put him on vitamins as he just went years without most nutrients people got. Yes, Lexi’s nursing side took over in that moment. It was a huge, negative trait of hers but she couldn’t help it. She was concerned for Dean as more then just a nurse after all. They had loved one another deeply. That’s why they got married. Not that Lexi’s love for him went away but this had changed them both. Lexi prayed they could get back to them but prepared for the worse. Preparing herself for the bad in the world was one thing she was good at now. Probably too good at. A nervous nod graced her head. ”Most of the staff goes home at five and the ones left live here so we’ll have plenty of time to talk. Or watch tv or read. Whatever you want to do.” Lexi was gently nudged by work to take a few days off while she coped. By gently nudged she meant Oliver, Cameron and Brenda told her to take “all the time she needed” to figure things out. Lexi hate that phrase immensely. A few days wouldn’t be able to have everything figured out. Maybe it was Lexi being paranoid but she wasn’t sure if he rally knew how genuine she was being. After all, not knowing what his parents had told him was eating her up inside but Lexi didn’t want to upset Dean by telling him what they had done. They had thought they lost their son and he was now back I their lives. Lexi didn’t want to keep any of them apart from one another. Lexi’s head shook against her palms. ”I know you wanted to be there but that wouldn’t have been smart.” Lexi knew her tone came out sharper then she hoped. While her hands remained clasped she dropped them to the counter tops. ”It’s just I got anxiety really bad after…everything. I still have medications for when an attack comes on and me having an anxiety attack isn’t pretty. It wouldn‘t have done either of us good if you saw that.” Lexi felt like she was having a heart attack when it happened. Her chest got tight and there was a sharp pain. She felt like her lungs were being compressed as she gasped for air and she was told she went deathly pale while her limbs shook. The first time it happened had terrified her parents beyond words. Cautiously Lexi got up and stood in front of Dean. Her hands trembled slightly as she went on her tip toes to wrap her arms around his neck to embrace him in a hug. ”But I am really glad you were found. I know it may not seem like it but it’s just…a lot to take in.” that was really the best way to word things. As Lexi pulled away from his, she pressed a fain kiss to his cheeks before she went to the potatoes that seemed to be ready. She strained them in the wink before she put them back in the pot to mix butter and milk in them. Her hand gripped the masher as she began to work at the potatoes. Lexi’s focus was solely on that until she felt it was just right. ”Um where did you want to eat? There’s the small dining nook in here or we, well Daniel I should say, has a more formal dining room or we could go into the sitting room. I’m usually eating something as a get ready so it’s of no consequence to me.” Everything Lexi was doing was to make him feel at ease. Trying to keep her own emotions in check, making his favorite meal and letting him chose the direction of things. Lexi had lived so long without his two cents and she had actually missed in. Lexi wanted his opinion on things and do anything to see his smile on his face. Her pictures of him were just never enough. tag: dean outfit: click! lyric credit: everly notes: so many feels!

credit to BABY DARLING ! @ caution 2.0

[DEAN GRAYSON BLACKWELL]

LETTHERAINWASHAWAYALLTHEPAINOFYESTERDAY
BACKWHEREIBELONGINEVERFELTSOSTRONG
T E L L T H E W O R L D T H A T I M C O M I N G H O M E

dean shrugged, not wanting to push it. it definitely wasn't worth arguing about or really even discussing any further. he was worried about her just the same, though. he was sure that lexi was anything but fine, having to deal with his 'death' pretty much on her own, even though she had family, of course. but it wasn't the same as having a spouse. at least he'd been there for her when their son passed, though.

it was strange, being in maine again after all these years, but kind of refreshing, too. here there weren't the constant reminders of zachary, though of course, one could never get something like that. but it was easier to move on and maybe try again some day. dean wasn't about to say anything about that, however, since that'd been their last discussion and he was in no hurry to revisit it. they were both still young, and even if it wasn't for another five years, they had plenty of time to have kids. or at least one. dean just dreaded the potential for lexi to lose a baby again. he knew it would do serious damage to her emotional state or possibly even kill her. that may sound extreme, but he honestly didn't know what her reaction would be if that happened.

dean quickly snapped out of that line of thinking, knowing that it couldn't happen for some years, if at all, and he was getting ahead of himself. there were more important things to worry about in the present, let alone concerning himself about the future. like how lexi was feeling right then. what was she thinking? dean knew she was still overwhelmed, too, but was she angry with him? she had every right to be, even though it was just an accident, but he should have been more careful and he knew it. it was just stupid for someone like him to be in that situation, and he was sure that she probably felt the same way, even if she hadn't said it, yet.

he smiled at her thoughtfulness. i think i could eat it for a solid week at this point, dean admitted with a laugh.anything but fish.. he had eaten what vegetation he could find, but not as much as he should have, probably. he had set traps for little animals on the island, capturing lizards and snakes, but his primary diet had been fish, since they were the easiest to catch and prepare. the doctors had checked him out to make sure he was healthy and found that he needed more nutrition, but aside from that, he was fine. they gave him a few bottles of pills that he had to take every day till they were gone, insisting that they were necessary. i haven't had anything spicy in years, so i should be alright with it. dean had never been a huge fan of spicy foods, but anything with lots of flavor sounded pretty good at this point.

it was weird for lexi to be talking about staff, since that'd never been something they were into. dean and her had always done things for themselves, though it was clear that she still did, since she was making dinner instead of the staff. ummm.. he scratched his neck, something he always did when he was trying to make a decision. but right now, he didn't really know what he wanted. spending time with lexi was obviously a priority, but in what capacity? he almost said talk, but he wasn't sure how awkward that would be, so the better option was probably to watch tv. they probably wouldn't talk at all, though if that happened. dean quickly tried to make a decision as he realized that he'd been quiet for too long. tv's fine, he finally said with a smile. he wondered how long she had before work, hoping that they had at least a day or two, though that really wasn't much time.

dean looked down when she told him it would have been a bad idea. she was probably right, but the fact she didn't want him there was a bit upsetting. he knew he was being unreasonable, which is why he didn't tell her, so he could only assume that this thinking was a side affect from being on his own for three years. dean looked up at her as she explained about her anxiety, making him feel terrible for her. i'm sorry you had to go through that, alex. so sorry, he told her quietly but with feeling, looking as if he were about to cry, but he didn't.

his gazed stayed on her as she slowly moved to stand in front of him, having to stand on her tip toes to give him a hug. dean wrapped his arms around his wife, enjoying the feel of her soft form in his arms once again. i know you are, babe, he assured her, feeling an overwhelming urge to cry once again. this time a few tears spilled over and he sniffed as she released him, quickly wiping them away. it wasn't that he was embarrassed to be crying. he just didn't want lexi to worry about him. he'd be fine. it was just like she said. a lot to take in. he didn't offer to help her with the potatoes, though he would have happily done it for her. but she seemed to want to do everything for him and make it special. well, he would have to make dinner for her the next night so she could just relax.

dean considered her question, realizing that she was leaving the decision making pretty much to him, which was an odd feeling. of course, he'd been doing that for on his own for the past three years, but now he was doing it with lexi again. the nook sounds nice. dean didn't like the sounds of anything formal, and the sitting room didn't sound as nice as the little nook. but before they settled down to eat, he wanted to do one thing. something he hadn't been able to do in three long years. he turned lexi towards him, taking her hands in his and pulling her close, then leaned in to kiss her. it was a slow, gentle kiss, afraid he'd get carried away if he allowed himself any more than that, but just the feel of her lips on his was amazing. once they parted, their faces still close together, he smiled. i love you.

notes ?! <3
words ?! ONE ZERO EIGHT THREE
tagg ?! LEXI
wearing ?! OUTFIT
credit ?! REAL SLIM SHADY !? @ Caution 2.0
[/color]
[/size]

[ALEXANDRIA LEAH CROSS]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] the girl in the moon --- Lexi had no idea where her future was going-their future. Now there was a ton she personally had to think about. One big thing was she had to talk to Jayce. And Dean. She had to figure out where she stood with each of them. This was so confusing. She knew her vows came first and wanted to honor them. She desperately wanted to honor them but she felt like she had already broken them. Technically she had committed adultery by sleeping with Jayce with Dean still alive-while her and Dean are still married. But Dean had been declared dead so did that give her a free pass? Lexi had a feeling she’d be going on a lot of long walks to do a lot of thinking here soon. She knew she wanted a family. She wanted to try to have a family and all her life she had seen Dean as the father of their children. While she wasn’t over Zachary, she knew she couldn’t wait forever. Seeing Leila pregnant made Lexi realize that. And now she had Dean back and she could have that if she wanted. Just...everything had to be figured out first. Lexi just spent three years believing he was dead. How did she move past that? Lexi rolled her eyes in an attempt to joke around. ”Oi! You and Leila will be the death of me! Good thing Daniel is a compactor and will eat anything shoved in front of him.” Lexi may joke that doing all the cooking was a bother but she loved it. She felt like she was actually needed here. At times it felt like she was just the third wheel sticking around but Daniel kept assuring her she wasn’t-that he wanted her here. Lexi could easily afford to buy her own home outright. Or maybe move in with one of her siblings. Her bond with Daniel had always been special though since they were so close in age. They had really grown up along side one another. Dance classes, etiquette lessons as well as normal schooling. They were very close knit. ”Oh I just didn’t know if it was hard adjusting to some food. Um sorry.” She blushed as she leaned her head forward. Lexi hadn’t felt this awkward around him since high school. Lexi wasn’t trying to overload him with anything just she didn’t know what to do. Usually she got up around three, started dinner with the help of the hired cook and ate as she got ready in her room. Her free time was spent sleeping and her days off are when she got to enjoy doing anything she had a feeling it was getting to e too much for him by the way he stood there and she shifted nervously. With a nod at her response, she figured it might be best to find reruns of a show he remembered. So many had come and gone in three years that she figured she shouldn’t flood him with choices tonight. Lexi tried to shrug off the unease despite more tears bubbling up. ”It’s not a big deal. Daniel, Jayce and my family were there to help. They all made a huge difference.” His parents were clearly left out as they had caused more then one panic attack since he left. Especially when her lawyer gave her the papers to petition to have him declared dead. That one landed her in the hospital. It was a wonder that she even got through the hearing to go over the petition then the reading of the will. Another big blow is when she found out his parents didn’t plan to invite her to the memorial service. Thank God Jayce did or else she would have been way worse then going there. Dean’s parents had become downright cruel when he went missing. Lexi had done nothing wrong but in their eyes, she was guilty. Lexi wondered how long until all their emotions began to spill over. She knew she was so close to her breaking point and then she felt the dampness of Dean’s tears against her cheek. They were both emotional roller coasters right now. Their feelings seemed to be everywhere. They were both trying to hold them in but with the intensity of their emotions-or at least Lexi’s-not even the Hoover Dam would be able to hold it all back. At least for the time being she could keep herself under control, even if that meant busying herself. Having to put the dish of potatoes and then the pan with the meatloaf on the table helped. There had already been dishes neatly stacked on a counter which she laid out on the small table. Whoever had put the dishes out for her had forgotten the silverware. She went to move past Dean when he moved her to face him. She tilted her head quizzically as she laced her hands through his. Lexi’s breath caught as he trapped her lips in a kiss. She had imagined kissing him again so many times. This was much better then her dreams or even any memory she had. She savored the moment as their lips moved gently over one another. When they parted a soft sigh left Lexi’s lips. Her heart was pounding in her chest. So many emotions flooded her that she had been trying to hold back he didn’t hate her. Dean still loved her. ”I love you too.” Finally it was like everything just flooded out. Lexi began to sob as she leaned forward so their foreheads met one another. Lexi broke her hands away form him. ”I’m sorry,” was all she uttered before she left the kitchen. She moved past Dean in order to get someplace else. Anywhere else. This was all too much. Despite her imagining their reunion over and over again, she had come to terms with him being dead. She had packed up their life and gave some things to his family. She had some boxes of his things up in her private sitting room on some shelves. Every so often Lexi would take them out a reminisce. Usually days like his birthday, hers, their wedding anniversary and holidays. After she had packed up their, she grieved his loss. She had come to terms with it and though she still hurt, Lexi had learned to live her life. Alone. Now, she wasn’t alone. Now, Lexi was utterly confused. Lexi was making her way down the hall when she felt arms circle around her and Dean uttering her name. She pushed against his arms as she tried to break free. ”Let me go Dean! Just let me go…” Lexi gulped for air as the sobs escaped. She didn’t want him to see her like this. She didn’t want him to see her feeling so lost and defeated. As she gave up struggling her legs folded under her as they moved to sit on the floor of the hallway. Three years ago her life was turned upside down and she learned to live with that new life. Now everyone expected her to just be happy he back and go back to how things were. It wasn’t that easy for Lexi. This moment was proof of that. tag: dean outfit: click! lyric credit: everly notes: so many feels!

credit to BABY DARLING ! @ caution 2.0

[DEAN GRAYSON BLACKWELL]

LETTHERAINWASHAWAYALLTHEPAINOFYESTERDAY
BACKWHEREIBELONGINEVERFELTSOSTRONG
T E L L T H E W O R L D T H A T I M C O M I N G H O M E

dean hadn't yet considered the two of them not being together. he really had no reason to, to his knowledge. there would be a few awkward months, but eventually things would get back to normal. why couldn't they just pick up where they left off? dean didn't even bother asking how lexi felt about that, assuming that was something that didn't need to be debated or discussed. they both still loved each other. what was there to talk about?

he laughed, happy that she was joking with him. that was a good sign. i don't mind helping. not like i'll have much to do, dean said with a laugh. he wanted to return to being a nature guide, though he wasn't sure how fitted that particular job was to hope harbor. after a few days he'd start figuring out what he was going to do. right now, it was just too much to think about along with everything else. on the food thing, dean had known she was just joking about it, since she loved cooking. but that didn't mean he wouldn't help her if she wanted it. he realized by her reaction that his comment had come out different than he'd meant it. i guess we'll find out, he replied with a smile, trying to make things less awkward. he hadn't really tried anything spicy since returning, so there would no doubt be some adjustments.

dean felt bad he'd made it so awkward, which seemed to be the word of the day. he couldn't wait to get through this stage and get back to how they'd been before, if that was possible. he'd happily take something close to it, though. he didn't really care what they watched, tv not really being a priority to him at this time. how could it? something like that seemed so trivial and unimportant. in light of their current situation, it was. but it was better than sitting there and not talking. plus, there'd be time for that at dinner.

he let out something that sounded a bit like a scoff before he could stop himself. dean knew what she'd meant by 'it's not a big deal', but it obviously was. he didn't comment on that part of her statement, though, hoping that she either hadn't heard that or would just decide to ignore it. i'm glad they were there for you. he didn't miss the fact that lexi hadn't included his parents in that list, and now he was starting to think that maybe something was going on between them and her. well, now wasn't the time to bring it up, if there was one.

dean's smile widened some when lexi said she loved him, too. he was prepared for her reaction, though. she started sobbing and leaned into him, a look of concern washing over his face. lexi.. it's ok baby, it's ok, he told her, trying to calm her down some, though maybe it would be a good thing for her to cry it out. dean was starting to tear up again, mostly because of the fact that she was crying, feeling bad that he'd kissed her. it had been too soon for that, he now realized. he released lexi's hands as soon as realized she was trying to pull away. she left the room, apologizing, before he could say anything else. dean called after her, deciding after a second's hesitation to follow her.

he easily caught up, and wrapped his arms around her, in an effort to stop her from going any further. dean was gentle, however, though firm as she tried to escape his grasp. lexi, please, he said as she told him to let her go. he wanted to comfort her, not let her run away from him. he was used to her turn to him when she was upset about something, but of course he couldn't expect that now. that didn't mean dean didn't want it, though. he felt her legs give out, and slowly brought both of them to the floor. once there, he tried to calm her down, stroking her hair and placing small kisses on the side of her face. he cradled her in his arms, feeling like the worst person in the world in that moment. i'm so sorry, sweet pea, dean whispered to her, trying to hold his own tears back. he'd already told her he was, but he felt it needed saying again. alexandria was the last person in the world that should have gone through this and it was all his fault.

notes ?! <3
words ?! EIGHT ZERO FIVE
tagg ?! LEXI
wearing ?! OUTFIT
credit ?! REAL SLIM SHADY !? @ Caution 2.0
[/color]
[/size]

[ALEXANDRIA LEAH CROSS]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] the girl in the moon --- ”Oh don’t let Leila know that. She’ll have you helping to baby proof this place though that seems pretty impossible.” Lexi felt a stab of jealous as Leila’s pregnancy progressed. She wanted her Lexi to be her nurse that day and the ob ward had already said they’d have her there. But Lexi wasn’t sure how she’d be able to handle it. Being in the delivery room while she watched someone else bring life into this world. It’s not that she wasn’t happy for her cousin and his wife but a delivery room held so many hard memories for her. Still, like their wedding, she’d just suck it up and deal for the sake of her family. Like she did with every other aspect of her life, Lexi would bury her own pain and let only the happy side of her out. Lexi wondered how long until they got back to a path of normal. Of course that was barring any complications which there were plenty of them. They hadn’t even told everyone yet. Lexi had shut off her phone which she sure her family may not be pleased about. Eventually she’d tell them, just not now. Right now Lexi was enjoying having Dean back even it was a bit awkward. Hopefully that changed sooner rather then later. Honestly she wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take. It felt like her heart was lodged in her throat and occasionally her breath felt nearly impossible to draw. Despite that feeling she wasn’t eager to go get her medication. It made her tired and she wasn’t ready to sleep again, even if it was a small nap. Aside from wanting as much time as possible with Dean, she was afraid if she fell asleep she might wake up to find it all to be a dream. That he’d just fade away again. Lexi got an agitated look across her face when Dean scoffed at her and then hurt. ”Fine it was a big deal but what did you expect? For everything to be perfect on my end?” Lexi couldn’t stop the words as they fell out. He may have been stuck on an island alone but at least he wasn’t a suspect in the accident. At least no one blamed him or drove him out of their home. No, that had all happened to Lexi. She had to handle that mostly on her own. Even if she had people there for her, none of them fully understood what she was going. None of them could. Lexi shook her head against his. No, it wasn’t ok. Their lives were shattered at their feet and Lexi didn’t know how to fix it. They couldn’t exactly go around like this forever-not talking about anything seriously and being overly cautious. Eventually one, or both, of them would snap and it wouldn’t be pretty at all. Lexi knew it’d be her who snapped first, anyways. She had too many emotions swirling inside of her, creating a storm. That storm would rip Lexi apart soon enough. It already was. What was it with the stupid Blackwell men thinking they could just grab her and hold on when she tried to escape? Both of them just thought it was fine to grab onto her, pull her close and try to calm her. This time it wouldn’t be so easy to clam her down. There was just too much weighing on Lexi’s mind and heart. Much too much. She couldn’t even tell Dean them all. Mainly the part about her sleeping with his brother. That’d break his heart and she knew it. No matter what that was to be her secret and her secret alone. Lexi went limp in his arms as her head fell back against his shoulder. Slowly her sobs died down but she still let the tears flow. ”Why did you go so far out, Dean? You knew better! I know you knew better!” Lexi’s eyes shut as every image from that day flooded her. The coast guard saying a nearby boat had picked up a distress signal. How part of the boat had been found but they couldn’t do more until daylight. Them bringing pieces of the boat to the nearest strip of beach as Daniel tried to keep her from collapsing. How Jayce came back with the Coast Guard to tell her that there was no sign of Dean-alive or otherwise. The police and Coast Guard questioned everyone, including Lexi, and after that his parents despised Lexi. Everything had just been too much when he left. Lexi had completely broke. Lexi didn’t want to have him see her like this but everything was literally too much. She knew they had been apart for awhile but him kissing her and holding her like this-like it was nothing-angered her. She twisted her body part way so she could face him, her eyes locked on his while she tried to choke back more sobs. ”They thought I killed you Dean! The police, the coast guard, your parents all thought I did something to your boat to kill you! They forced me to petition to have you declared dead and took me to court over your damn will! I couldn’t eat or sleep but I got past it. I was moving on with my job and being happy. Then you come back and expect everything to be fine! It’s not fine! Nothing is fine! I’m not fine…you’re not fine….we’re not fine!” Without much thought Lexi balled her fist and began to punch Dean in the chest. Not very hard as her body was weak from little sleep, her anxiety and her sobbing. ”Why didn’t you check the damn maritime repots! Why, why why?! Huh?! Why didn’t you check them?!” Lexi was screaming at him in pure frustration and anger at this point. As he tried to stop her and grab at her wrists, Lexi collapsed forward into his chest. Her hands still struggled against his own slightly as her hair clung to her tear streaked face. No doubt she looked like a mess but she didn’t care. All her emotions and anxiety got the best of her and Lexi just let everything out. ”I was alone, Dean…I was all alone,” was finally choked out softly between sobs. tag: dean outfit: click! lyric credit: everly notes: so many feels!

credit to BABY DARLING ! @ caution 2.0

[DEAN GRAYSON BLACKWELL]

LETTHERAINWASHAWAYALLTHEPAINOFYESTERDAY
BACKWHEREIBELONGINEVERFELTSOSTRONG
T E L L T H E W O R L D T H A T I M C O M I N G H O M E

dean grinned at lexi's words, sure that despite her joking manner, she wasn't kidding. he'd talked to leila briefly before she and daniel left, and she seemed like a nice girl. he wondered how much the fact that she was pregnant bothered lexi. of course, she'd never let on, but that didn't mean that the pain wasn't there. from the outside she looked pretty much fine, like she wasn't going through something horrible.

he wondered how many people even knew that he was alive. dean's parents, of course, but he wasn't sure who all they had told. did jayce know? he didn't even know where he lived, though if he was still in california, he probably would have come to see him. the others who knew were daniel and leila, of course, and that doctor, oliver. outside of that, probably no one, since lexi wouldn't have called anyone, either. not yet, anyway.

no, of course not, was dean's reply, wishing he hadn't done that. i know you had to have gone through a lot. despite not yet knowing about the situation with his parents, he knew that lexi had had it worse than him. thinking that he was dead, whereas he knew he wasn't, obviously. and he knew she was alive. hoped, anyway. so her end had definitely been worse, which was something she didn't realize dean knew and would freely admit.

well, he of course knew that everything wasn't ok, but in that moment he was just trying to calm her down. dean was back in her life, so didn't that count for something? didn't that make things a little better? and he was there along side her again, to make things easier, a shoulder to cry on. anything she needed. he was her husband, after all, and he loved her. all dean wanted to do was be there for lexi. but he also knew that things couldn't just spring back to there normal state right off. it would take time. though how much time, he didn't know. no one did.

he knew that he probably shouldn't have stopped lexi, but if they didn't talk, things wouldn't get any better. they had the house to themselves for a few days, and dean didn't want to spend them avoiding each other. dean winced as she yelled the questions at him. not so much because of the volume, but the questions themselves. he'd had so much on his mind that particular morning that he hadn't been paying a whole lot of attention to how far he was going, and had also forgotten to check the maritime reports. despite having not done it on purpose, obviously, dean still felt terrible about it and understood why lexi was so upset. she had every right to yell and scream at him. he deserved it. i know.. you're right, he replied, as calmly as he could. what more could he say? other than he was sorry.

what?? dean was shocked by what she said to him. how could anyone think that lexi of all people had killed him? anyone who knew her would know that couldn't be true, but of course, the police didn't know her personally. that, he could make sense out of. what shocked him even more was when she included his parents in the list of people who suspected she'd killed him. lexi.. i didn't know. why didn't you tell me? he asked, wishing she would have told him right off instead of waiting. dean wanted to freak on his parents right then. how could they? after everything she was going through. no! i know everything's not fine." he wasn't quite yelling, but his voice was definitely raised and there was a defensive tone to it. what do you want, lexi? dean asked, growing more upset. i came back, didn't i? would you rather i hadn't? i'm trying to get through it just as much as you are. at least you had people who loved and took care of you. you had someone there for you. i had no one. he knew it wasn't lexi's fault, but it also wasn't his fault that she'd been a suspect when he disappeared.

dean was too surprised to even try fighting her off, at first, but there wasn't much force behind her punches. she was screaming now, as she continued to punch his chest, and now he was really starting to worry about her. he grabbed her wrists, not having to use much force to stop her, but when he did that, she collapsed into him. dean didn't bother trying to explain things right then, since it was too out of hand and would probably do no good. once things were more settled they could talk about it in a calmer manner. i know, baby. i know. he held her in his arms as she continued to sob, but not as hard.

lexi seemed pretty exhausted by now from the crying and the screaming, and dean wondered if he should just take her up to her room so she could sleep. he moved to stand up, slowly, pulling her up part way with one arm, then slipping his other under her legs as he stood all the way. he took her up and laid her on the bed, then quietly left the room. dean went back downstairs to pull the meatloaf out of the oven so it wouldn't burn. he set it on the stove, then leaned against the counter and sighed, as he ran a hand through his hair. he'd screwed up bad, and it just seemed like anything he did only made it worse. behaving like he was her husband hadn't worked, but neither would acting like he wasn't. dean really didn't know what to do, at this point. he didn't like being alone, though, that was for sure, so he went back up stairs and peaked in, wondering if she'd dropped off to sleep yet. well, she wasn't moving, so maybe, but he couldn't be sure, since her back was to the door. he quietly walked in, seeing a chair against one wall. dean sat in it, finding that it was very comfortable, and had soon dozed off.

notes ?! <3
words ?! ONE ZERO THREE ZERO
tagg ?! LEXI
wearing ?! OUTFIT
credit ?! REAL SLIM SHADY !? @ Caution 2.0
[/color]
[/size]

[ALEXANDRIA LEAH CROSS]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] the girl in the moon --- Lexi felt terrible for snapping at him. She had promised herself she wouldn’t do anything to upset him and she had already done that. ”I’m sorry.” Her hands clenched at the edge of her dress which was out of his line of site. Before Lexi could literally tell him everything. She would’ve been able to tell him everything she was thinking right now with ease. Now she didn’t know when she’d be able to do that again. And she couldn’t talk to Daniel or Leila because they had left! And Jayce would be the last person to speak to about it. Maybe Oliver? But that seemed like a bad idea as will. Lexi wished her cousin had stayed home. She saw his thought process but this was too much she couldn’t handle this all on her own. Yes she knew eventually they’d have to work through things on their own but Lexi didn’t know how to. The normally level headed and quick thinking nurse didn’t know how to fix the relationship with her own husband. Then again, they didn’t have the problems most couples did. If there was a support group for people who thought their spouse to be dead, they should point Lexi in that direction because that was what she was needed. Maybe Lexi would go back to therapy and get some more coping mechanisms because the ones she normally had weren’t exactly right for this situation. Lexi knew he was sorry but she couldn’t help it. Every image of that year and a half after he went missing flooded her mind. It was like she was going through all the stages of grief once again at the same time. That was just too much for the girl to handle. And yes, it did feel like some things were being rushed a bit. While she still loved Dean, she hadn’t expected to be kissing him so soon. Then again, she didn’t see it from his perspective. He had thought about it more often then she did because he knew she was alive. She didn’t know he was alive so why would she be imagining it? A frustrated laughed left her lops. ”When was I supposed to tell you, huh? When you came to the hospital after I had an anxiety attack? Or when you first came into the kitchen? Or after you kissed me? Please, tell me Dean, which moment would have been perfect to tell you people thought I was a murderer and that your parents hate me now.” That’s not exactly the world’s easiest subject to bring up. Especially because of how Jayce had contacted her about Dean’s return she knew the Blackwells didn’t want her to know he was back. That was cruel of them but she couldn’t expect anything less. They had dragged her to court because they thought the will should be thrown out. They claimed Dean was under “duress” because they were married so young and felt pressure after joining the Army. Thankfully the judge threw the case out and Lexi was able to return home. Lexi still gave his parents most things they wanted. There were a few things she refused to part with like his high school class ring and items from his Army days. Lexi winced in his arms. This is why she hadn’t wanted to fight because she knew he had had it much worse then her with being alone. Even if he knew everything wasn’t fine he surely was acting like it. ”I want you to forgive me!” The guilt was too much. Even if Lexi hadn’t killed dean their fight or discussion or whatever you want to call it had caused him to take his boat out. She reached the back of her hands up to try and wipe some of the tears away but he face was soaked. It seemed impossible to wipe them away entirely as her face was soaked. ”I know it wasn’t easy for you either and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I fought with you and you felt like you had to get away from me. Your parents have a right to hate me. It was all my fault.” No one knew how guilty she felt. Not her parents, her siblings or even Daniel. Lexi had never uttered to a soul that she blamed herself for him disappearing. Lexi’s body felt numb after exhausting all that energy. Everything she had bottled up the last three years had spilled out of her. After she was done she felt bad for it. A few hiccups escaped once the sobs had stopped and her tears had died down. It felt good to be pressed against Dean again. Her eyelids fluttered open and close as she fought off sleep. Her body tensed as she felt him move to lift her but she just moved to rest her head against his chest. As he took her to her room-their room?-she saw one of he butlers, Robert, trying to keep the rest of the staff out of the way. She prayed none of them told Daniel but she knew they probably would. As Lexi settled into her bed, she watched Dean hurry away from her. She felt awful for how she had just treated him. She decided to rest for a few moments then she’d make it up to him. Her knees curled up to her chest as one hand tucked under her pillow and the other under her chin. When sleep overcame her, it was welcomed. Today had just been too much. She didn’t hear Dean enter the room but noticed his presence when she woke up a little over an hour later. He had fallen asleep in the chair. Lexi watched him for a few moments as she laid in the bed before she crept out of the room. Lexi went downstairs and ran into Robert. He had been with this house as long as she could remember, being hired by her grandparents. He said he had put the food away and called Daniel. She thanked him before she slipped into a downstairs bathroom to wash up. Her face was still blotchy and her eyes were rimmed red but she couldn’t do much about that. With her hair straightened back out, she went to the kitchen and proceeded to make two plates of the dinner she had made. As they heated up, she grabbed a few cans of coke and put them on the tray. She realized she had too much to bring on one tray so asked for some help from Robert. One had the four cans, the glasses and a bottle of rum as she knew Dean used to like rum and coke. She wasn’t sure if he wanted to drink but figured she’d give him the options. The other had the food, silverware and napkins. Lexi let Robert take the light of the two before they headed back upstairs. In her room, Lexi had a chair-which Dean slept in-and a loveseat as well as a coffee table. Her “sitting room” was more and office/library area which also stored her geeky items and the boxes of Dean’s stuff. She set the trays on the coffee table before thanked Robert silently and knelt in front of Dean. Cautiously she took one of his hands in hers. ”Dean?” When he locked eyes with her she smiled softly. ”I’m sorry about before. I didn’t mean to explode. I reheated dinner if you’re hungry.” tag: dean outfit: click! lyric credit: everly notes: so many feels!

credit to BABY DARLING ! @ caution 2.0

[DEAN GRAYSON BLACKWELL]

LETTHERAINWASHAWAYALLTHEPAINOFYESTERDAY
BACKWHEREIBELONGINEVERFELTSOSTRONG
T E L L T H E W O R L D T H A T I M C O M I N G H O M E

dean shook his head. don't worry about it, he said with a shrug and a slight smile to let her know it was ok. he didn't even want to imagine her reaction when she'd heard the news, though. knowing lexi and remembered how hard their son's death had been, it couldn't have been pretty. dean would have to heartily thank anyone who'd been there for her during that time.

he was now beginning to wonder if daniel and leila leaving was such a good idea. dean had thought that was what he wanted, but now he wasn't so sure. it would have been good for someone other than the staff to be in case things got out of hand or something. well, it was too late for that, since they'd already left. he supposed he could call if need be, but he didn't know where they'd gone and certainly didn't have daniel's cell phone number.

saying sorry wasn't enough, dean knew, but he didn't know quite how to make it up to lexi. what else could he do, really? aside from maybe leave for a while to give her some space and get used to the idea that he wasn't dead after all. but he wasn't sure if it would work or even be a good idea. he had certainly taken it too fast with the kissing thing, unintentionally. for him, he'd been imagining for the past three years. but dean hadn't been thinking of it from lexi's perspective. and now that he had.. well, he understood the reason for her freak out.

he let out a sigh, knowing she was right. you're right. i'm sorry. but it would have been better had lexi told him before it built up inside her to this degree and then come pouring out. dean didn't know what the best time for it would have been, though, so he didn't bother saying what else he was thinking. there was really no point. i just don't understand how they could do something like that to you, he said, shaking his head. he didn't at all doubt lexi's word, since she had no reason to lie to him. plus, the way his parents had acted when he'd first got back, it was obvious, now, that they hadn't wanted the two to see each other. it made him angry that they would interfere like that, and treat his wife so.

dean was confused at lexi's words. forgive you for what? he asked, seeing her try to wipe some tears away. he wanted to help her, but wasn't sure if it was the best idea. just something as simple as that could make her freak out again, maybe. he didn't know what would at this point. but he certainly wasn't going to attempt any more kisses for a while. in fact, dean would probably wait until she kissed him. that was the safest thing to do. lexi, no! it wasn't that i needed to get away from you. i just needed to clear my head.. i wasn't mad at you at all, he tried to explain, realizing that she felt guilty about the whole thing, and she shouldn't have. no, they don't. they have no right to. and if it's anyone's fault, it's mine. i had a lot on my mind and i wasn't paying attention. i should have been, and i wasn't. that thought had plagued him for the past three years.

dean's sleep hadn't been the most restful. his mind couldn't decide whether his nightmare should be about being back on the island or his typical war zone one. so it went with both. he was on the island with a few of his buddies, and they were being hunted down. by the end of the dream he was the lone survivor, the rest having been killed off one by one. he'd been shot in the arm, covered in his own blood and the blood of his friends.

he woke with a start as he heard his name called. dean opened his eyes, a momentary look of confusion on his face as he half expected to wake up on the island. but then he saw lexi's face, smiling at him and realized she was holding his hand. he smiled back, giving her hand a little squeeze, and felt the ring there. he looked down and saw that she was wearing her wedding rings. that made him happy, just to see them on her finger. dean assumed she hadn't been wearing them all the time he was gone, presuming him dead. i am, too. he felt terrible about the whole situation, and blamed himself, mostly. the other blame went to his parents. yeah, that'd be nice, he replied, feeling a bit better since things were back to being calm. plus when she said the word 'hungry' he began to feel the emptiness of his stomach, realizing just how hungry he was. how long was i asleep?

notes ?! <3
words ?! EIGHT TWO THREE
tagg ?! LEXI
wearing ?! OUTFIT
credit ?! REAL SLIM SHADY !? @ Caution 2.0
[/color]
[/size]

[ALEXANDRIA LEAH CROSS]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] the girl in the moon --- Lexi wasn’t mad that Dean had returned just more frustrated. Everything was sort of upside down again and she had to adjust. Again. Leila thought that Lexi would be able to easily adjust to having Dean back which was not so. And she had talked to Jayce very briefly. The two would have to find a way to privately talk. When? Who knows. She could use a day or two, though, as she had to figure out things in her own home before going to him. She knew what she should do but she had to make sure it’s what her and Dean both wanted. So far it seemed like he did. Now Lexi just had to settle her nerves and into the idea of things. Hat might take a little bit and honestly? She was waiting for some sort of sign. Some people may not believe in them but she wanted confirmation that the choice she was tossing over was the correct one to choose. Lexi just gave up with wiping at her face. It seemed pointless as more tears spilled out. Despite the tension of the moment and all the awkwardness, she felt a little better having Dean’s arm around her, no matter how loose or tight they held her. Her shoulders pitifully rose and fell. ”When they heard about how we fought the night before they got angry. And then after the declaration was approved your will was read and they were angry you left pretty much everything to me except some childhood things you held onto and oh whatever you left Jayce I can’t remember.” Lexi didn’t have an itemized list in her head of everything outlined in his will. The whole thing had been a jumbled mess lost in a fog as she was medicated at that time. Her palms ground into her eyes as she groaned in frustration. This was one giant mess that seemed to be spreading by the minute. ”If you want you can ask your brother. He’s had it just as bad. He couldn’t even tell them I was living here when he moved to Hope Harbor because they would’ve flipped.” Silently she hoped she could talk to Jayce first, though. She needed to talk to Jayce first. So many people back in California had put the blame on Leix that of course she felt guilty. How else was she supposed to feel? And even before that she was tearing herself apart. She had not been receptive at all to the idea of trying again for a baby despite it being three years since Zachary. She knew thye couldn’t wait forever but-to her-the conversation had come no where. She wasn’t sure how else to act but on the defensive. Her head shook fiercely as she squeezed her eyes shut. ”No but I should’ve actually talked to you instead of freaking out. If I hadn’t freaked out you wouldn’t have had to take your boat out and you wouldn’t have been distracted.” Everything was Lexi’s fault. She was an emotional rollercoaster which led to their fight which led to him taking his boat out and it getting wrecked. Even now her emotions had led to yet another fight. A Lexi knelt in front of dean, she was concerned about how his nightmares were. When the ones about the war had been at their worst she had to wake him up in order to talk to him and remind him he was home-with her. Nothing could rally make them go way no matter how hard she tried so instead she just showed patience and loved him. That was all she had really been able to do at the time. Lexi hoped she could get over her anxieties in order to be there for Dean in case he needed her. She was his wife after all and she wanted to be there for him. Lexi squeezed his hand back before she pushed herself up to stand once again. ”um I’m not sure. I was out a little over an hour then I was downstairs about a half hour. Soooo I guess an hour? Maybe less?” Lexi grabbed one of the plates and silverware to bring to him. She had also brought up ketchup, salt, pepper and butter. ”I brought u some coke and I know you used to like rum and cokes so I brought that in case you wanted it. You don’t have to I just wasn’t sure what you’d want. I can also go grab a water or something if you want.” Lexi bit down on her lower lip as she moved to make him what he wanted before she finally got her own drink mixed. Once she kicked off her flat, she settled on the couch. Since she was unsure of what else to say, she picked at her food with her fork for a minute or so. ”Do you want to talk about being there?” Her voice was soft as she peeked at him from the corner of her eyes. The back of her neck flushed red. ”I’m sorry if it’s too soon we don’t have to.” Lexi sipped her drink before returning to her food, feeling embarrassed she had even asked him that. She should’ve waited for him to broach the subject. tag: dean outfit: click! lyric credit: everly notes: I think Lexi needs some of her cuddly juice in her system to help ease the tension

credit to BABY DARLING ! @ caution 2.0