never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt; Jayce

[ALEXANDRIA LEAH CROSS]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] the girl in the moon --- Lexi sat in her car outside of Jayce’s apartment building for what seemed like forever. She was trying to steady her nerves as they made her hands shake. This was probably the hardest thing she’d have to do but it had to be done. Dean was home now-her husband was home now. Lexi wanted things to work out with Dean which meant having to tell Jayce. The last couples of days she had been ignoring him. Actually, Lexi had been ignoring everyone. She had turned her cellphone off and Robert, Daniel’s butler, intercepted all calls. The man told anyone who called that wasn’t important that Lexi was busy and would be for a couple days. Not a lie at all. But now Lexi had to face the real world. Including telling Jayce that the thing between them was done and hoping he’d keep it a secret until she told Dean herself. So, when Daniel and Leila came home from their few days away, Lexi had gotten dressed and said she was heading out to the hospital to fill out paperwork for her two months of leave. Which, she had done. And now that the paperwork was all filled, she was now sitting outside Jayce’s apartment trying to steady her nerves. She just hoped this didn’t take too. With a finally deep breath drawn in, Lexi opened her car door and stepped out. She had left her bag in the car but slipped her phone into one pocket of her black jeans and her keys into the other. As she stood by the car, she looked down at her wedding rings. Finally, after a couple minutes thought, Lexi decided to slip them off and put them in her pocket. It’d be easier to tell Jayce if he didn’t see her wedding rings first. No, she needed to tell him, not let him see it. As she walked, her lightweight blouse moved with her as it hung loosely. Her hair was curled and pulled up in a waist near the top. Her usual cat eye make-up was on and just some simple jewelry while she work cream colored heels with bows that matched her blue top. She had worn it to look professional at the hospital, not for any sort of appeal to Jayce. When she got to his door she took another deep breath before she raised her fist to knock at it lightly. Her heart squeezed in her chest as she waited for him to open the door. When it finally did she only looked at him momentarily before going to walk into his apartment. Once inside he moved in to hug her which she tensed up at and when Jayce went to kiss Lexi she turned so he only got her cheek. Jayce was making it hard on her. She took a step away to calm herself again. Lexi realized that she had yet to say anything. She leaned against the back of the couch and looked in Jayce’s direction but not in his eyes. ”Jayce…we have to talk.” Another breath in and out as her eyes closed for a moment. When she opened them, she was staring at the floor. ”We have to end things. With Dean home I’m going to work on my…my marriage.” Her lips pressed together. She felt a bit of shame in telling him that, knowing he’d be hurt but it was better to be honest then anything else. Lexi tensed up, waiting for some sort of reaction from Jayce. tag: jayce outfit: click! lyric credit: everly notes: ---

credit to BABY DARLING ! @ caution 2.0

[JAYCE LANCE BLACKWELL]

He was back! How could he be back after all these years? He was supposed to be dead! This was just messing everything up and he couldn’t stand it! Not only was his now love life in pieces but his own emotions were in pieces. His brother coming back from the dead was the worst news in the history of the planet. It was the one place he could say that he had beaten his brother and he loved that. His brother had been dead and finally he and Lexi had moved on and were testing things out…together. Now though it was all in shambles. Lexi was supposed to be his.

The way she was ignoring him now he had no idea what he was going to do. The only thing he could do was bury himself in his work and then drink. It was the only way to forget all about his troubles and the fact the one person he disliked most on the planet was back.

What he wasn’t expecting was Lexi to finally show up at his apartment. Maybe she was going to tell him that she told Dean to take a hike because she had moved on! That would be the best thing for him and for her. He was the one who had gotten to know her better over the years while his brother was “dead” in a sense. When he opened the door and she was standing there he felt his heart skipping a beat. He was so excited to see her and he showed her with the tight loving hug and the smile. When he went to kiss her though she turned and he got cheek….what?

His eyes looked into hers with a puzzled expression on his face. What was wrong? Did that jackass do something to her? As she stepped away his smile turned into a frown as he looked at her. What did his brother say to her to make her become distant from him? He was going to murder that bastard. That was when she spoke up and he could feel it. Something in him was going to break. They needed to talk.

“Talk about what? Please tell me you left him because you found someone better for you who has been by your side all of these years.” It’s not like he was pleading with her it was more like he was making sure that she remembered besides her cousin he had been there for her all of these years. Even at the shunning of his own family he had been there for her. Not Dean, him. He was the one who was there for her. When she opened her eyes and spoke his heart snapped in two. This was why you couldn’t bring yourself to ever love someone and he had. That was the one place he made his mistake was loving someone.

His eyes looked her over and he nodded his head. “It’s fine, you pick the man who abandoned you all of those years ago instead of the person that’s always been there for you.” He headed to his room and before crossing the threshold his voice turned low and cold with a hint of no emotion in it at all. “You can leave.” With that he slammed his bedroom door shut and locked it. There was nothing left to say to her.

[ALEXANDRIA LEAH CROSS]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] the girl in the moon --- Lexi was unable to breath. She felt like her heart was literally breaking. She had never been in this situation before-caught between two men. One had always been the love of her life, something she couldn't let go of. The other promised a happy future with lots of laughter and playfulness. She didn't know what the future with Dean held. The two were just testing things out once again. Everything was awkward and similar to when they first started to date. Still, she hoped things would get brighter. But that also meant ending things with Jayce. Things there would not be easy considering the two men were brothers. Yeah, she had really muddled up her life there. Standing there in Jayce's apartment, she noticed the bag of beer cans. They had not been there three days ago when she last came. His apartment wasn't the cleanest like when she normally came to visit. And Jayce himself looked completely defeated. Her avoiding all phone calls had been a dumb idea. Lexi could tell it killed Jayce. She did know him well enough to realize that. Lexi mentally kicked herself foe being so cruel to him. And for what she was about to do but it had to be done. Not having had to break things off with anyone before, she hoped it would go smoothly. That was the furthest thing form what happened. Lexi felt a couple tears escape when Jayce stated he hoped she told Dean she had moved on. Lexi dropped her gaze to the floor, ashamed. She gathered herself up before speaking. To see the heartbreak evident all over his features was difficult for her to witness. She wanted to go hug Jayce but refrained. Her brow furrowed in confusion and anger. Lexi threw her hands up as she let out a gruff of frustration. ”Why does everyone keep saying he abandoned me? His ship got caught in a storm! He didn't chose to leave me. God you people need to learn your definition of abandoned." Lexi winced at his statement of Jayce having been there for her while Dean wasn't. She opened her mouth to speak but Jayce was already moving away from her. She went after him but he shut the door and had done the lock. Lexi pounded on the door. ”Jayce open up now!" When it was clearly he wasn't opening up, she took out the bobby pins holding the mini braid in and went to work on the lock. Dean had shown her this skill long ago in case something ever happened to her. Once the lock had clicked, she stood back up and turned the knob to go in. She looked at Jayce sternly as she crossed her arms. ”Hey! You do nit get to be mad at me! I hadn't even decided if I wanted to officially be a couple with you or not. And that is your brother! I don't care what shit has happened between you two in the past-why have you made no effort to contact hi lm?" Lexi's mind was all over the place. She had been considering being in a relationship with Jayce because even she couldn't deny her deep attraction to him. But Dean was back. She was Dean's wife, not Jayce's. That and she still loved Dean. Even if she had been in a relationship with Jayce, her love for Dean wouldn't have disappeared. Not that she would admit that to Jayce but at the time, she thought Dean dead. Being dead and actually abandoning her were two different things so two different emotions. And right now her emotions were telling her to be with her husband.. tag: jayce outfit: click! lyric credit: everly notes: ---

credit to BABY DARLING ! @ caution 2.0

[JAYCE LANCE BLACKWELL]

Everything was going downhill now. Ever since his brother came back things have been so different. He had grown into a better man these past three years with everything he had to deal with. Not only had his brother ‘died’ but he had to take care of his family. Not only that but he was also there for Lexi. After his family disowned her he was still there for her. He wanted to be not only because she was his sister-in-law but because she was special. She was his best friend and he couldn’t just let her go like that. It was why he risked losing his family that he was still here for her.

The state of his apartment was the easiest way to tell what had happened. Lexi had gone and destroyed him with the way she had ignored talking to him. The one person he needed most in this world and she had just abandoned him. The irony there wasn’t it? The fact that when Dean had ‘died’ he was there for Lexi the whole time. Then this happens and what happens? She just ignores him and leaves him to be by himself. Not only was he by himself then but he had a feeling it would be for good now that his brother was back. There was some good to this. His brother had been gone and he didn’t know how he had changed. Now he was the one who could probably beat Dean up and win at everything.

When Lexi didn’t answer that she told Dean she had moved on it confirmed what he believed to be true. Lexi was going to be with Dean. When she stated that she was indeed going to work on her marriage he did everything to stop himself from rolling his eyes. It was a joke marriage after all! Dean didn’t care about Lexi! Everyone could see it! The only person Dean cared about was Dean and that was all! As she lectured him about Dean not abandoning her he growled and turned around to face her. “Oh really? He didn’t abandon you huh? So when he stepped out of that house and went sailing he didn’t abandon you? He says he’s a sailor but anyone who knows anything about sailing knows you should ALWAYS check the weather before you go. He abandoned you when he stepped out on you, didn’t check the weather and got on that boat. If he had bothered to even think he would have known there was a storm out there and it would put him in danger. He ABANDONED you Lexi.”

Yes, that was the final thing he said to her before he walked into his room and slammed the door shut and then locked it. She had made her choice to be with that prick of an older brother of his. Shaking his head he opened another beer and chugged it down then crumpled the can and tossed it onto the floor. “Go away Lexi.” Putting his headphones in his ears he turned his ipod on and sat down on his bed and closed his eyes. He didn’t care anymore. The one person he cared about had betrayed him.

Looking up shock spreads over his face when he sees Lexi standing in his room. Where the hell did she learn to pick locks at? Taking his headphones out he listens to what she has to say and he shakes his head. This woman was delusional about what his brother was and was not. “It’s not the fact that we weren’t officially a couple yet, it’s the fact that he shows back up and you go running right back to him like nothing ever happened. It’s like all that matters to everyone is him. No one ever remembers what happened or even cares. None of them even realize it. All that matters is Dean, Dean and Dean. Why didn’t I contact him? Oh let’s see here, could it be the fact that he’s always the one that everyone cares about. Even when he did nothing he got all the attention and I was treated like a second class citizen. He abandoned you for the second thing. Let’s not forget that it wasn’t Dean that was here being the rock you needed it was me, not him but me. You know what though it’s not like any of that matters because how am I ever going to compare to the amazing Dean. The one brother who has it all and did absolutely nothing. He screws up everyone’s lives yet he still gets rewarded. He goes away and you decide to go to something that’s fake instead of staying with what’s real.”

Getting off his bed he walks over to her and tenderly strokes her cheek. “We were real Lexi, everything you’re feeling right now for him isn’t. He left you and was gone for three years.” He looks into her eyes and then leans in pressing a deep loving kiss to her lips. After a few moments he leans back and sits back down on his bed. “What we feel for one another is real and you know it.”

[ALEXANDRIA LEAH CROSS]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] the girl in the moon --- It’s not that Lexi was being ungrateful for everything that Jayce had done or spiteful just Dean came first. He would always come first. She had fallen in love with him, married him, built a life with him. Even if that life was different now, it was still going to involve Dean and more importantly her being with Dean. What had happened between her and Jayce wouldn’t be forgotten-who could forget that? Who could forget everything they had done, everything she had felt? This moment was hitting Lexi harder then she figured it would but she had to do it, even if it was hitting Jayce just as harder. No harder. Much, much harder by the state of his apartment and himself for that matter. He looked broken. So very broken. Lexi wanted to fix that but it wasn’t her place to-not even as a sister in law. God everything was so messed up! Lexi bit the inside of her cheek. Her emotions were somewhere between heartbreak and anger listening to Jayce’s spiteful words. She knew the brothers never had the best relationship-God knows why-but this was downright cruel. All the pretty little walls she built up to keep people from knowing the truth-that she had caused him to abandon her-were coming crumbling down. ”He only left because I said I didn’t want to try for another baby! There you happy! He didn’t abandon me, I drove him away so everyone needs to stop hating him and start hating me! This is all my fault-him getting on that boat, your parents hating me and now you hating me! My fault, my fault, my fault!” Lexi was practically screeching. Whenever angry she pretty much got into hysterics. And when passion was another driving force behind it, it was ten times worse. ”So you can shut your damn mouth because he didn’t abandon me-I caused him to leave! So there, your God damn perfect image of me is shattered!” At this point, Lexi would rather Jayce be furious at her then Dean but…she also had to make sure he didn’t tell Dean. Not yet at least. At this point that seemed like a long shot. At this point it seemed like that’d be the first thing he’d want to tell his brother. That would be a disaster. Worse then a disaster. She knew the two always had a bit of rivalry growing up. Even if she didn’t get to witness the worst of it first hand she knew all about it from the stories she heard from family members. Dean would just shake his head and laugh it off. Jayce would roll his eyes but neither brother would breath a word. Eventually they’d put an end to the stories mainly when it got to the high school years. Actually, Jayce usually put an end to talking when the conversation turned to why things dissipated in high school. Most people assumed they had “grown up” but a couple choice cousins figured it would’ve intensified with all the hormones. Lexi never did press further as Dean just shrugged his shoulders, saying he was too busy spending time with her but Jayce was a different story. He never had a straight answer and was always vague. Lexi had always been hopeful they’d somehow bury the hatchet. Even now as she broke into Jayce’s bedroom she was looking for the slightest shred of hope that things could somehow go on a better path. A shred of hope she shouldn’t hold her breath for, really. The look on her face as she stood in front of his bed told it all to her. Her resolve began to quickly fall as shame washed over her then hurt and anger. All three of those emotions mixed together were clouding her judgment. A hand went to rest on her forehead, pushing her hair back slightly as she closed her eyes. ”What was I supposed to do Jayce? Daniel brought him straight to the hospital to see me. Daniel and Oliver jumped the news on me and then Dean came back to the house. Not like I could avoid him. He and I actually had to talk-we needed to talk. And we did and I decided to work on things with him.” Lexi bit down on her lip feeling awful for having to say it like she did but there was no other way. When Jayce got off the bed, she barely had time to react and not like she wanted to. To feel Jayce be so tender with her just one more time was what she needed. She closed her eyes at his touch but refrained from leaning into it. When she opened her eyes as he spoke, her mouth went dry. He was saying all the most perfect, beautiful words possible. Then he was kissing her in the most perfect way possible. Against her better judgment, Lexi returned the kiss but aws smart enough to keep her hands to herself. When he withdrew, she sharply drew in air as she stood there, trying to think of what to do now. Cautiously, she moved to site beside him on the bed. ”Jayce, I know our feelings were real but you also should’ve known a part of me would always love Dean. He was my first everything-including marriage. And with a marriage I gave him my word. He’s back now and I’m keeping my promise to him because I do love him. That’s not to say I haven’t felt anything for you but….” she paused as she licked her lips, not really sure how to say all of this. ”But I have to give my marriage a chance. He still loves me and like I siad, a part of me would always love him so I can’t let that go or just turn him away so easily.” lexi rotated her body slightly so she could face Jayce better. A hand went to his chin to make him face her before she cupped it along the side of his face gently. The pad of her thumb stroked along the flesh of his cheek. ”But don’t ever think you’re second best. You’re amazing, Jayce. You are great at your job, are have been wonderful these last few years-longer then that actually-and just all around…perfect. People care about you. You may not see it, but they do.” tag: jayce outfit: click! lyric credit: everly notes: ---

credit to BABY DARLING ! @ caution 2.0

[JAYCE LANCE BLACKWELL]

Nothing was going the way it was supposed to happen! Dean was supposed to still be dead, Jayce and Lexi were supposed to be moving on….together and then everything would be the way it was supposed to be. What happened to that though? The easy thing, Dean came back! Why did he have to come back and ruin everything? Everyone was finally moving on and he just had to come back. It was irritating to tell the truth. His perfect older brother who could do no wrong was back. Yet no one seemed to see that he HAD done wrong. He had WRONGED all of them. He wronged Lexi, he wronged Jayce and he wronged their parents. It was just no one but him could see that his brother was so far from perfect it was laughable.

Everything he was telling Lexi was the truth. His brother was a selfish prick and only thought about himself. It was one of the reasons he hated Dean. The man was a nuisance on their lives. When Lexi spoke up he shook his head. NONE of this was Lexi’s fault and she knew it. She was just trying to take the blame. Hell she had just said it herself! Did she even hear what she was saying? Was his image that lexi was perfect shattered? No, plain and simple it wasn’t shattered. “You just said it yourself Lexi! ‘He only left because I didn’t want to try for another baby;’ that right there proves to you how selfish he is! He ABANDONED you because you weren’t ready to try for another baby. Instead of saying ‘okay honey I can understand why you don’t want to try yet;’ he LEFT. That’s all he does! If it’s not his way then it’s not the right way. All he cares about is himself and no one else.” That was the truth.

There was no way that he was going to be pissed off at the one woman in his life that actually cared about him. But the fact that he was going to be in his room and hoped she would leave wouldn’t be there for long. Knowing that she would probably make his way in there he sighed. Never in his life had anyone even bothered to ask what he wanted. Now what he wanted was leaving him for that selfish pig of a brother of his.

When her next excuse came out he gave out a dry laugh. Oh that was so laughable. It was all sprung on her and she didn’t know what to do? His eyes looked up into hers as his own narrowed. “So you not knowing what to do and having to talk to him involved you cutting me out? You didn’t want to talk to me anymore? Is that all I am to you? I was just a shoulder to cry on and then somewhat of a friend? Then when he comes back I’m just disposable? You forget all about me even existing? Is that what I am, nothing? Nice to know that I mean nothing to anybody.” Turning around he looked out the window, he should have known something like this would happen. He was an idiot for believing something could be there between them.

No, something had been there between them and he was going to prove to her there was. The way she looked at him before he gave her that kiss…it was breathtaking. The kiss in itself was amazing! He had expected her to push him away and slap him but she didn’t….she kissed him back! What he wanted was her to leave Dean now and just run away with her. He could feel that there was still something there between them. When he pulled back his hands had undone the top two buttons of her blouse his mind having blanked there for a moment about Dean being back. When she sat down on the bed next to him he sighed.

When she spoke up he looked into her eyes and wanted to growl. How could she betray him like that? Running back to the man that harmed her. As she licked her lips his eyes went to them and he envisioned kissing them again. “It doesn’t mean you have to stop and act like I don’t even exist. After everything he’s done to us you welcome him back as if nothing happened. It hurts when you just cut me out and make it seem like you don’t even care anymore. You’re the one person I care about and you just ignored me.” His eyes locked with hers once more and he sighed as she cupped his cheek and then stroked it. Absently he nuzzled against her hand and smiled as she spoke up. “You’re the only one that’s ever cared Lexi, I know you say that others do but I know you’re the only one.” Looking into her eyes he moved closer. “I love you, Lexi…I always have.” Looking down he wanted to hit himself but looked back up into her eyes. He couldn’t let her go but….he had to.

[ALEXANDRIA LEAH CROSS]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2zgu9hc.jpg); width: 440px; padding-top:10px;] the girl in the moon --- Seriously-how had Leix’s life gotten so messed up? Whose husband got lsot at sea, was declared dead then found alive three years later? Apparently Alexandria Cross’ husband but not normal people’s. What made this more difficult is people were acting like this was some grand plan of Dean. Yes he had planned to have people think he was dead then come back when everyone was moving on. People just had it all wrong. If they just saw how Dean was suffering after being stranded then they’d see none of this was planned at all. Otherwise he would not have the very real psychological damage that he did. Though she shouldn’t expect any less from Jayce. The two brothers had never gotten along. Ever. Lexi had forced them to behave a couple times but it was always short lived. Her hands were thrown up in anger as she moved in her spot. ”Fucking eh Jayce he didn’t abandon me! I wouldn’t even discuss things with him so that doesn’t make him selfish, just he was frustrated. He went sailing to clear his head like he normally does. How the hell is that abandoning me? Please-tell me because I’d really like to know.” Lexi didn’t want things to end completely sour. They’d still have to see each other fairly often so she wanted things to end decently. She wanted to be able to be civil with him and not have random blow outs. Or for him to tell Dean anything but how she would convince him of that was a huge mystery even to her. She knew that with Jayce and Dean’s dynamic it was bound to come out in a fight of my horse is bigger then your horse which is something the Blackwell brothers did very often. Their favorite pastime really in trying to one up each other. She let out a heavy breath as she shook her head before she unconsciously placed her hand over his own. ”No it wasn’t about cutting you out Jayce. I haven’t talked to anyone but Dean since he came back. Daniel and Leila left for a couple days so I didn’t even see them. You’re not disposable and you’re my friend just I was stressed and got lost in my own little bubble. That was my fault and I’m sorry. You’re not nothing. You’re….great.” Lexi knew she should be more careful in her wording but at this moment she was failing miserably at that. Jayce just fogged up her thought process with a simple look and a few words. Then his kiss completely intoxicated her but she held back slightly. Her hands hovered slightly near his arms. She itched to touch him but thought better of it. Still the kiss fogged heru p enough she didn’t even register him fiddling with her shirt. It was just something natural between them so she didn’t think twice about it. Lexi’s head dropped in shame. She hadn’t meant to make him feel that way. Her head shook slightly to try to clear her thoughts. ”Jayce that wasn’t my intentions at all. Of course I still care just I was overwhelmed. I was handling what I could to get by with my own overwhelming emotions as well.” Lexi should pull away. She should stop being so...intimate with him and just stand up, asking him not to say anything to Dean because she would and leave it there. But she couldn’t. Lexi just couldn’t when he seemed so very broken. Lexi couldn’t leave him like this. For what felt like the millionth time in the span of these fifteen minutes she let out another heavy sigh as she pressed her forehead to his in a tender moment. Her other hand went to the opposite cheek as she adjusted herself to make more room for him. ”I don’t think that’s true just that’s all you see. People care about you in their different ways.” Lexi’s breath hitched as her heart stopped then sped up again. Love her? How could Jayce love her after such a short time span? Then she thought about it a moment. Back in their school years Jayce always avoided looking at her. There were times she caught him staring but there had been a weird look in his eyes. One she couldn’t explain. Her thumbs rubbed along his cheek bones as tears welled up in her eyes. Her head shook which caused her nose to brush against his a moment while her mouth hung open slightly. Then she just caved. She forgot about Dean and the situation as she pulled Jayce forward so their lips met in a fevered, emotional kiss as their bodies fell back against the bed. Lexi shifted so she lad beside Jayce and tried to get as close to him as she possibly could. tag: jayce outfit: click! lyric credit: everly notes: ---

credit to BABY DARLING ! @ caution 2.0