Color My Black&White World -Louis-

[LOUIS ARDEN FITCH]

[/color] he called. HAVEN! But she just kept going. Cursing beneath his breath, Louis punched a mound of snow, grabbed his gloves and went after her. By this time, she was out of sight, but it didn't take him long to catch up, finding her on the side of the path, doubled over, heaving. Running up to her, he said her name again. Haven.... He rested a hand on her back. I... He didn't know what to say or do. His fists balled up and he began to pace swiftly back and forth in a little patch of snow. Reaching up with both hands, he ripped his hat off, back to front, and squeezed it in his hand, as if he was trying to make it burst, and let out a long frustrated growl.

What do you want from me Haven?! What? He yelled as he slapped himself in the chest with a flat hand. I come to your house...you tell me to go away....I run into you here and try to leave you alone...you tell me to stay...you tell me you th-that you miss us, you kiss me....and that you run away? Putting his foot on a nearby bench he pushed it over with another loud exclamation of anger. What am I supposed to do Haven? I dunno if I'm coming or going! I dunno what you want me to do! It was probably a good thing no one else was around, because in all likelihood, the cops would have been called and Louis would possibly have been charged with "disturbance of the peace" and "destruction of public property". Huffing, he ran back over to the bench and set it to rights. He didn't like getting this out of control. I-I'm sorry...I don't mean to get so angry...I don't mean to yell at you... Louis fell to his knees, looking so very defeated. His head dropped into his hands and his fingers weaved into his hair, as he began to grab fistfuls of it, pulling in agony over the situation.[/ul][/size]

[HAVEN MARGARET STOWE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i48.tinypic.com/4v3fjd.png);] I would lie & say that you're not on my mind... Haven winced as his voice raised. She deserved it like he deserved it when she had slapped him. Everything was so messed up. How did they get here? Why was it neither of them could put the one part of themselves aside that kept them set in their ways just once? Haven’s was so deep rooted from all the pain people had caused her over the years. She was even prepared for her sister to just walk out of her life not wanting to be around her anymore. Haven always expected to do something to drive the people she loved away. It’s what she did or, well, what she thought she did. Ever so slowly it was coming out that that wasn’t true. Their birth mother gave them up because she was sick and wanted her daughters to have better. Her adoptive parents were just selfish. As for her foster parents, well, nothing could change her mind that they just didn’t want her. And Louis...she just didn’t understand why Louis had left her like that. Yes, it was an incredible opportunity but to just leave her like everyone else had? How could she move past that? Every word he said stung her deep within. She didn’t see the bench go over but she heard the loud thump as it hid a compacted pile of snow. Haven pushed herself upright while she still clung to the rough wood for support. Her body moved so her back rested against it, sobs threatening to break free from within her though she tried desperately to hold them back. She looked up at the branches of some pine tree to try to gather her thoughts. All she saw was the afternoon sky turning to evening slowly like her heart was turning from bright to dark. Haven felt tormented as she tried to think of what to do. What she wanted wasn’t right. While it felt right to her, it wasn’t right or fair to Clark. The two were planning a life together and she couldn’t toss it aside for an old flame and a life she once wanted. Still wanted...see? Everything inside of her was just plain confused. ”I don’t know what I want ok! Is that what you want to hear?!” Haven set her head in the palms of her hand and breathed deeply before she swiped them off her face. They moved to rest clasped on the back of her neck. The tension was a great distraction so she didn’t explode like she just didn’t. her yelling back wouldn’t help the situation one of them had to come off like they were collected. Haven gingerly moved to sit on the bench he had straightened back out and collapsed back on it. Her body leaned forward while her hands clasped the edge of where she sat. ”I just-” Haven shook her head while she tried to steady her thoughts. ”What I want doesn’t matter anymore. I told Clark I would marry him. That’s what matters and the only thing that can matter.” Haven could barely get those words out. This was like a bad movie with the opposite ending of what people hoped for. ”I shouldn’t have kissed you, that was wrong on me for so many different reasons. And you’re right-I asked you to stay which was selfish of me. I want you in my life I just don’t know how to do this with us.” Haven’s voice cracked as she spoke, her heart breaking all over again. She had to be honest with him instead of continuing to lead him on. ”I want us, I want us so badly that it physically hurts me. But you also hurt me so much when you left. I can’t move past that either. So I’m trying to do that with Clark.” Haven didn’t realize she was crying until she saw the tears fall onto her jeans. Haven didn’t know if she would ever be with Louis again or if they could. She wanted him any way she could have him but also knew that even being friend more then likely would happen. This whole situation was so screwed up. notes: squee - tags: louis - outfit: click!

[LOUIS ARDEN FITCH]

[/color] he shouted, throwing his hands up on the air. Louis knew he was the one that had messed this ll up in the first place. But he had asked forgiveness. And what Haven was doing to him now, simply wasn't fair. If she really was going to marry Clark, than she should have just let him go when he tried to walk away. But as frustrating and hurtful as this all was, Louis wouldn't have given up those few happy moments they'd just spent together for the world.

Louis shook his head when she said it didn't matter what she wanted. No... he moved to the bench and got down on his knees in front of her. No...that is a lie Haven... he cupped his hands gently around her face. Stop lying to yourself baby... He said softly. In all of this, you're the one that matters the most....Your happiness...what you want...is going to make or break the happiness of anyone you ever end up with Haven. Louis leaned his forehead against hers. I know people have treated you like you didn't matter or weren't worth anything most of your life. ....Don't let them win now, by believe it yourself.

Louis listened to her say that she'd been wrong to kiss him. But that she wanted him in her life. She went on to explain how much she needed him, but how he'd hurt her an she didn't knowhow to process it all and then she mentioned that Clark again. If Clark truly loves you....he will understand... Louis whispered. He will want you to follow your heart....That's all I'm asking of you Haven...just follow your heart's truest desire....Wherever it leads, to me, Clark, or someone else....I will accept it.....As long as it's what you in your heart of hearts truly want. Louis stroked the back of her head, and extending his neck, he kissed the top of her forehead. I just want you to be happy Haven....even if that happiness doesn't end with you and me together....I will be happy, as long as I know you are....I promise you that.

Louis wanted Haven to know that he supported her, no matter what her decision was. That he would always love her no matter who she chose to spend her life with. That he would ALWAYS be there for her when or if she needed him. That even if they had to be friends only from here on out, he would never again abandon her. [/ul][/size]

[HAVEN MARGARET STOWE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i48.tinypic.com/4v3fjd.png);] I would lie & say that you're not on my mind... Haven couldn’t help but tense up with anger. ”Stop yelling at me!” Haven had a right to be confused right now. She had waited for years and year and only when she stopped hoping he would come back, he did. She was engaged to another man. Haven didn’t know if she could ever be with Louis again. That pain he had caused couldn’t just be wiped away overnight. Haven’s own fist balled and pounded down into the wooden bench and the sharp pain was a welcomed friend. She tried to move her face out of his grasp but his grip was much stronger compared to her exhausted body. Exhausted from all the fighting and crying she had done the last few days coupled with her lack of good sleep. She just wanted to be done with it all. Why couldn’t it be two weeks ago when Louis wasn’t around and she was blissfully unaware that he still cared about her? It was so much easier feeling half empty then feeling everything all at once. Tears fell down as she pressed her forehead against his while her hands remained cupped on her lap. Everything about was so screwed up... Her body shook as sobs racked along her body. ”You also treated me like I wasn’t worth anything when you left Louis. You didn’t even say goodbye-you just left.” He hadn’t had to witness the after effects of what him leaving had done. When he did that Haven turned into a zombie as she wasted away for everyone to see. It was like watching two trains about to collide and being unable to do anything about it. ”Everytime I let myself be purely happy I get hurt. I’m tired of everyone hurting me. I’d rather be safe in my numbness then unsure in my joy.” With what was probably her last bit of strength Haven pushed herself away from Louis. She couldn’t stand to be around him any longer as it pained her too much. She needed to go someplace else that she felt safe. Perhaps to see Jesse. As Haven straightened herself out she ran her fanned out fingers through her hair. ”I need time. Just please, stay away from Hope Harbor. I can’t think when I see you.” Haven crossed her arms over her body as the steady breeze that had picked up stung her tear stained cheeks. Haven had to try to compose herself before getting in her car to drive away as she was in no condition being behind a wheel. Hopefully Jesse could help her make sense of things. Her friend knew Louis as back in town but after today, Haven either needed her best friend or a really stiff drink. notes: squee - tags: louis - outfit: click!