Color My Black&White World -Louis-

[HAVEN MARGARET STOWE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i48.tinypic.com/4v3fjd.png);] I would lie & say that you're not on my mind... Haven decided to disconnect herself from the entire world today. From December until about a week before Valentine’s Day Haven closed the shop on Tuesdays and Wednesdays to save a bit of money. She had noticed those two days were the ones that the fewest people came in. plus, it was only this way for about two months. Then she’d reopen and be booming again. So, since no one was working, Haven had taken a drive down to the trails and parked her car. Before getting out she had slipped her phone into her purse, leaving it behind in the car. She hadn’t even worn her watch today. Haven didn’t want to think about time or other people while she took some time to clear her head. She had told the couple people who mattered most where she would be and that she didn’t want to be disturbed unless it was an emergency. Once her bag was tucked under her seat, Haven slipped her gloves over her hands. Not that it was that cold-it hovered in the low thirties-but she didn’t want to lose her engagement ring while walking. Despite it being gold, it wouldn’t be so easy to find out there in the couple inches of snow that covered the trails and the little clearings off to the side where tables usually were. Haven planned to walk all along the trails, probably until dusk. Considering it was late morning, she had plenty of time. The last week she had been doing everything possible to clear her head before Clark came home and knew something was up. Especially since he’d be home from Christmas Eve all the way until the day after New Year’s. To most people that may not seem like a lot of time, but to Haven it was a treat compared to how much time they normally had. Or, it once seemed like a treat. Since Louis had come by a week ago everything was confusing. She had wanted him to come home for so long and not long after she gave up on the idea he was suddenly here? What sort of sick joke was someone playing on her? That and he raised every doubt she had about Clark and amplified it. No, she had always known that she didn’t love her finacee the way she had loved her ex. Truth be told, she only loved Clark, she wasn’t in love with him. While some people didn’t think there was a difference, there was a huge one. When with him or talking to him while he was away, she was happy. They could do things together and have some fun but their life was pretty routine. From the beginning they had a pattern of how they did things, how they interacted with one another. She knew his job was at the capital until his internship was done. Then he could get a job anywhere he pleased. Haven knew that, had prepared herself for that. What she never prepared herself for is how little she missed him when they were apart. If they went a day without talking, she was perfectly fine. She figured it’s because they were comfortable around one another and had trust. Until Louis came to her house. When he came she remembered all the fire between them. The adventures they shared together, even something as little as playfully wrestling. Finding new places to explore and being unafraid of showing their love for one another. In the tender moments they were alone, their souls were bared free even if they didn’t say anything. Just one look had always been able to stir a desire in her that no other man had been able to do. When he stared at her with those deep brown eyes, she knew she had found her life long companion. They were always encouraging of one another’s passions and often she came home to hear him working on some new song or a new painting drying. Louis never cared that her style was a little classy with some edge thrown in, said that’s what first caught his eye. As she walked along the trails, her gloved hands passed a necklace back and forth between then. It was one that was oxidized silver. There were two wing pendants attached to a dog tag. On the side of the dog tag that wings rested against was an infinity symbol, on the back were her and Louis’ first names. It was nothing expensive or even eye catching to most people but to Haven it was beautiful. The meaning behind it had always weighed heavy on her heart. When she finally decided to stop crying over the fact that they were done was the last day she had worn this necklace. How could she carry something that represented their love between their unbound souls(the wings) when they were done? This past week she had carried it around with her, tossing it from hand to hand like thus as her thoughts turned over in her head. When not in her hands, it was back around her neck when it had once belonged on a daily basis. Even now it felt right being back around her neck, the lengthy chain tucked behind whatever top she wore that day, but guilt also tore at her. One her left ring finger she wore the engagement ring from a man who said he wanted to be with her. The necklace was from a man who not only said it but showed it to her when he made is impassioned plea to reconcile things. When she heard footsteps behind her, Haven drew in a deep breath before sleeping the necklace over her head, tucking it behind her violet colored sweater. Her left hand remained up by her chest, feeling the pendant through the fabric while she tried to wipe Louis from her mind. She had done it before and Haven was certain she could do it again. notes: squee - tags: louis - outfit: click!

[LOUIS ARDEN FITCH]

[/color] His deep voice issued forth. I'll just go the other way. Louis spoke, pointing behind him, then began to turn and walk that way. He didn't want Haven to think that he was stalking her or anything like that. Because really he wasn't. Louis wasn't that type of guy.[/ul][/size]

[HAVEN MARGARET STOWE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i48.tinypic.com/4v3fjd.png);] I would lie & say that you're not on my mind... The metal of her necklace burned against her skin. Not because it was hot but because it stirred up so many memories. When he had given it to Haven it had been out of the blue. There was no special occasion or anniversary. She had come home after a long shift and found her favorite dinner of baked Haddock with a rice and vegetable mix. All just because. The two had always done things like that for one another but the necklace that day really took things to a new level. They had exhausted themselves that night expressing their love, letting the candles on the table burn out on their own and the food that was left was forgotten. That was something she didn’t have with Clark. When they were together it lacked the sensations she had felt when with Louis. They didn’t hold each other after nor build one another up slowly for more. Once satiated, Clark would either go to sleep or go downstairs to do some work. Haven would simply recoil alone in the bed or bath, wondering if he would want her like he did those first few months they were together. Like Louis once wanted her. When Haven heard Louis’ voice she couldn’t help but tense up again. The last time they had spoken she had been cruel to him. She wasn’t sure how many times she had thrown her engagement in his face in an attempt to get him to leave her alone. She turned her body only halfway, making her look sideways at him. Hair spilled over her own leather jacket, something they always had in common. Funny the little things you forgot about until they were staring you in the face. There were so many little things about them that they had in common from their creativity to their romantic hearts to being closed off from the world. Then the material things such as the same taste in entertainment, the often simplistic nature of things they wore or adorned their house with, more often having a vintage feel then modern. They were against the grain but not so much so that they stood out. No, what made them stand out was their love for one another. Everyone had been able to tell how pure it was, how perfect. Still, they let it slip through their fingers. Guilt consumed her. He shouldn’t feel like he had to walk the opposite away just because he saw her. She shouldn’t feel that way either. Haven dropped her hand from her chest as she moved to quick her pace, catching up with Louis. ”Wait,” she called out as she slipped her hands in her jacket pocket. If he really was done his tour for a bit then they couldn’t avoid each other. Haven went to Portland half a dozen times a year if not more for work. When there she did as many errands that could only be done in the city while there. Once caught up to him, her hand reached out for his arm to stop him from walking away any further. Her cheeks were tinged pink from running within the snow and the chilly air brushing against it. ”We can’t just always avoid each other. We might as well find a way to…I guess handle being around one another.” That was probably the best way to describe what she meant. Haven had no idea where she was going. In the past when she went to fix a fight she pull him close and intimate words would be passed between them. That was something she could no longer do. Instead she kept a small distance between them, no matter how charged the air was. She brushed it off as tension for having an unresolved fight. Haven puffed out her cheeks as she thought of what to say next. When she figured out something, she released the air and pasted on a faint smile. ”I’m sorry for hitting you the other day. Let’s just start fresh I guess? Or as fresh as we can considering everything.” That was probably the weakest apology she had ever given him. She couldn’t say half the things she wanted to make things better. Two fingers went up to push some hair back as she gazed around. ”So are your parents glad that you’re home for a little bit of time?” She knew how much Kaya had missed her son even if she didn’t outright say it. Louis never spoke to his parents easily about things he felt which led his mother to stop prying. It was one discussion the two women had in private, mainly because they saw Haven was changing that in him. He still wouldn’t tell them everything but he no longer held as much in from what they could tell. Having him home, she was probably doting on him the best way he would allow which probably wasn’t much at all. notes: squee - tags: louis - outfit: click!

[LOUIS ARDEN FITCH]

[/color] He said softly. In the old day, when they were together and Haven found him here, she always did come looking for him, the first thing they ever did when she called for him to wait, was stop and kiss. Even if they'd had a fight. It as just something they couldn't help doing. There were some people you got mad at and could stay mad at through eternity. But when you were in love with someone, when you got mad at them, all you wanted to do was fix it. All you wanted to do was work things out and go back to whatever normal was for the two of you. That's how Louis had felt when they'd fought in the past. That's how Louis had felt for the past 4 years. Even know he had to fight the urge to lean in and kiss her. It was what was natural between them. And now they had to change nature and make it have a different course between them. For Louis, it was like trying to move a mountain.

Nodding at her words he spoke. Sure...if you're sure that's what you want. Louis' heart had always been to please Haven. Sometimes it had caused frustration between them because he'd say yes to things, because he wanted her to be happy, when he'd really wanted to say no. If she couldn't tell on the spot, Haven would eventually find out he hadn't been honest and they would either talk rationally about it, or get into a fight. It was amazing how some people could argue a lot, but still be madly in love with and 100% perfect for each other. That was and always would be Louis and Haven. Even if she did marry this other guy.

Louis laughed a little when she apologized for slapping him. That had been a new one. She had thrown something at him once, cursed him into oblivion, tried to push him out the door and once out the second story window of their bedroom But NEVER, EVER had she slapped him. IT's ok....I deserved it. Louis replied decidedly. I'd like that. He wasn't sure what she meant by fresh start. Was it fresh as in square one, friends and lets see where we go from here? Was it fresh start, you and me we're together, but no "Funny business" for now? Louis assumed she meant friends, though he hoped she'd met something more, but just agreed for now.

Yah mom's been cooking up this great food....Thinks I'm too think. He shrugged. Louis was very tall and very thin, but also rather muscular, all in proportion for his build he thought. It wasn't like he was anorexic looking or anything like that. Dad's been showing me all his latest work and taking me around to some buildings he did last year and stuff. Introducing me to people, bragging about everything I've done. Louis had always hated to be bragged about. He knew he had talent, but beyond that, he didn't view himself as anything special, because lots of people had talent. And many that did had more than he.

Finally after a few moments of slightly awkward silence, he decided to inquire after her new man. So...your fiancee....What's his name? Louis was trying to sound supportive. He would be supportive if this guy was really what she wanted. He doubted it, kinda knew differently, but he'd play along for now.
[/size][/ul]

[HAVEN MARGARET STOWE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i48.tinypic.com/4v3fjd.png);] I would lie & say that you're not on my mind... Haven’s hand lingered on arm for a moment before she brought it back to her. Being this close to him felt good and terrible all at once. All the memories of their time here in this town together when not at school came flooding back. Memories she had long ago forgotten, even ones as painful as just three months before he had left. Haven hid behind a tree while she looked around, trying to see where Louis was. They had been running around like children for the better part of forty-five minutes. Other people stared when they ran in the path of a jogger or nearly tripped over a family enjoying a meal together. The two didn’t care, squealing as they tried to avoid one another’s grasp. Haven took a moment to catch her breath with her forehead pressed against the trunk of the tree. Her eyes closed as she chuckled for a moment, preparing to take off again. But Louis had found her. His arms grasped around her waist as he lifted her off the ground. Laughter filled with pure joy left Haven’s lips as he carried her a couple feet over to a small patch under a tree. He set her as gentle as he could on the ground, pinning her to the earthy floor. Haven kept laughing as her body wiggled underneath his. ”I’ve got you,” he let out as he let out a little smirk. When Haven’s laughter died down she just nodded her head. ”Ok ok I surrender. What do you want?” Her laughter was slowly winding down as she looked up at him, a wide grin on her face. Louis leaned forward, his lips coming close to her ears. ”You and me for all of infinity.” He pulled back and pressed a sweet, gentle kiss to her lips. When they pulled apart, Haven moved to nuzzle against his neck and replied with her version of the saying, a play on words that they said back and forth to one another. ”Me and you for all of eternity....” Louis had that same grin her wore that day on his face. One she saw often when they were together but few others saw. The one that sent knots into her stomach as she looked up and down his face, her own smile forming. ”Hi.” This was not the them she was used to. When she had returned her hand to her form moments ago, she had to keep herself from sliding it down his arm and lacing it in his hand. Louis was awakening a part of her she had long forgotten. They were actions that were now gracing her dreams more often then not, sending her tossing in her bed. The bed she shared with another man when he was home... It wasn’t all Haven wanted but it would have to do. There was nothing else the two could do about their situation. She was to marry another man and couldn’t break that promise. He had been nothing but kind and faithful to her. They had their fights but he always apologized. If he wasn’t home, Clark had lilies sent to her house, thinking it was her favorite flower. It meant a lot and couldn’t blame him and lisianthus were a hard flower to remember. Besides, it was the fact he put thought into it. That’s all that ever mattered when with anyone. Even back when her and Louis were together they didn’t have tons of money but they still did things for one another to show their love aside from telling one another or expressing it physically. Haven laughed as she scrunched her nose up. ”Yeah, you kind of did.” That day he had crossed-no leaped-over the line of what was appropriate for the two of them now. Now they could try to pretend that had never happened and more on. Friendship would prove hard but Haven would find a way. Just as long as Clark didn’t fit the pieces together that this was the man she had been with in college then they would be fine. She could carry on her friendship and keep her relationship, which was greedy of her. Haven couldn’t help it. Louis had slipped out of her life once before and she wanted to keep him in whatever way she could now. Haven moved her body to shift on the spot to keep her legs from getting stiff while standing there in the cold. How she missed his mother’s cooking, his parents in general. Occasionally when she was in the city they would run into one another and make small talk. Kaya would give her a hug and Haven had to feign happiness with her life even when it wasn’t going so well. When he talked about his father painting, Haven perked up. She often ran into his father more often because he was all over the city. ”Did he show you a photo of a mural he did on the side of Ri Ra Irish Pub? Gosh it was amazing. I saw him painting it when I was down there talking to my supplier and I couldn’t help but tease him because he added a guy that looked just like you in it. I think he missed you.” The laugh that left her lips shook her shoulders slightly. Usually when she walked around the city she could tell which murals his father had done by the technique used. If that didn’t tip her off, she looked for his subtle signature, usually found on a person or object(if there were no people in it) within the painting. ”They’re proud of you, let them brag. After all how many people from Maine because big time recording artists?” When the subject turned to Clark, her tensed. He was really asking her about her fiancée? That was…unexpected. ”HIs name is Clark Sevigny…” What else could she say about him? One couldn’t exactly feel comfortable talking about their new flame with their old one. Especially when he had kissed her when he had seen her last week. Before he was telling her to forget about Clark, not even interested in his name. Why the sudden one-eighty? No, she didn’t want to talk to him about this. It was too hard...hurt too much. Haven cleared her throat, having to turn her gaze away from him. When she looked at him too long, she felt her heart swelling in her chest with wanting to move closer to him. ”So any big plans while you’re home?” Haven withdrew her hands from her jacket pocket and ran them along the sides of her hips. ”Sorry I’m just not really sure what to talk about. This is...weird. Trying to catch up after so long. I’m not sure where to start.” Yes, a good cover up for why she really thought this was weird. Not that it had been so long since they had talked but because when they last talked, not fought, the circumstances had been completely different. They had been a couple, not strangers. Though, they really weren’t strangers right now. They were just strangers to the new path that was laid before them. notes: squee - tags: louis - outfit: click!

[LOUIS ARDEN FITCH]

[/color] Louis bobbed his head in the affirmative. I missed him and mom too. It really is good to be home for a little while and just have some down time.
Haven said that his parents were proud of him for what he'd done with his life and his music. An almost irritated look came over his chiseled features. Yah...well they shouldn't be. He sighed.

Louis nodded at the name, and looking at her smiled. It was obvious he was holding in a chuckle. Does he wear glasses and work for the Daily Planet?" He meant no harm by his little joke. Louis just found it funny that Haven had always kinda liked the Clark Kent character and now she was engaged to a Clark. It was childish really, to find it funny. There were lots of people out there in the world named Clark....Louis had just never met one. Of course he would say there were plenty of Louis' out there in the world and people would always say "I've never met one". Louis hoped he hadn't just made Haven mad at him....that she could still take a joke. So his name is Clark....And?" Louis shrugged his shoulders upward and held them there. And? he asked again, indicating that he wished to know more about the guy, his love was going to marry.

Louis shook his head back and forth. No...not really...just enjoying no fans and lots of family time. He'd been touring pretty consistently for the last 4 years. Now he was taking at least 6 months off from the tour. Maybe they'd make a new record during the time. The band had gone back to New York and Louis was going to have to fly out there some weekends for rehearsals and maybe a show here and there. But nothing like the world tours he'd been doing after the previous 3 albums.

Louis looked at her whens he said she didn't know what to talk about. Oh it's ok...Me either really. It was amazing to him how they could go from having everything in common to virtually nothing. Oh it was still there under the surface. But it could only be discovered if they were both willing to let it show. Louis was, but Haven was holding them back. He understood why. She was a woman of her word. And she'd given her word to Clark.

But she'd once given her word to Louis as well. Oh yes you could say it wasn't official, but only because he didn't have the ring at the time. But they had promised to be together forever. yes they, as in both of them, to each other. Louis had broken that promise though and Haven's trust and her heart and her soul. So he supposed that was as good a reason as any to make her own promise null and void.

Louis noticed she was starting to get a bit cold and stiff just standing there. A crooked, mischievous, smile came onto his face and his eyes twinkled with trouble. Do you want to play a game?" It seemed an odd question at the time, at least to a bystander, but for people who knew Louis best, this was perfectly normal. He was spontaneous after all. Tag! You're it. He said, taping her shoulder, than taking off at a dead sprint. When he was far enough ahead of her that it would take her a few moments to catch up, he stopped and picked up a handful of snow. It packed easily and made a great snowball, which he lodged at her, before taking off running again.[/ul][/size]

[HAVEN MARGARET STOWE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i48.tinypic.com/4v3fjd.png);] I would lie & say that you're not on my mind... As Louis finally loosened up, she saw the man she remembered starting to come out. The one who was could make her laugh with just one glance. When that part came out, other people in his life looked at him quizzically, wondering who this man was that was coming out. Haven knew he didn’t act like this around everyone which made her feel even more special. Most of her life she felt like everyone overlooked her for the younger child who wanted to be held. Haven could hold her own, they said, so why focus on her? She had gone through drifting like a ghost, feeling invisible and unimportant. Until there was a mini art fair at the school. All the sophomores and higher were showcasing their works and musicians rotated out, performing their music. Haven, being a freshman, was eager to check out everything. She would have just passed by the musicians as some art work caught her eye but a classmate who was sort of a friend pulled her along. Haven had protested but it was probably good she had gone alone. Louis had been amazing with that intense stare that made any girl melt. Of course he had affected Haven but he was two years older and she was just a freshman. She went to move on her way but he stopped her instead, much to the protest of other girls who had been talking to him previously. Haven knew she wasn’t a looker. Her nose was slightly larger then some girls and she had a beauty mark on her chin that most guys didn’t like. The sorrow she felt in her childhood etched along her young face, her eyes were darkened underneath and slightly sunk in while he face was a little thin. Still, none of that had mattered to Louis. Looking at him now, she still felt as beautiful and special as he made her feel that first day they had met and every day since. If only their story had a different ending. Haven pressed her lips together tightly as she chuckled against them. He always hated when his parents did their quirky things to show they cared. Their whole family was creative so he had to expect it. Still, it was cute how his demeanor and appearance changed when he got all embarrassed. ”Yes, well from the few times I’ve talked to them, they missed you a lot. Probably more then they told you.” She knew that they didn’t want to hold him back if the record deal was what he dreamed. Still, she could tell that they really missed having him around. Haven missed having him around. When that ugly look came on his face as he said they shouldn’t be proud of him, Haven shook her head. Out of habit, her right hand went up to grab just under his chin as she stepped forward to better look him in the eyes. ”Hey don’t do that.” Her hand moved from his chin to rest on his cheek, her covered hand caressing his cheek gently for a moment. ”They have plenty to be proud of. You have made some amazing records these last few years.” Haven paused everything, her words, her hand and even her breathing. ”I’m proud of you.” At his joke haven took her hand and slipped it in a belt loop on her jeans. ”No,” she dragged out as she leaned forward slightly in amusement. She couldn’t believe that Louis was still harping on her about that. There was one day they had stayed up for a solid forty three hours watching all of Lois and Clark episodes that they could squeeze in. coffee, energy drinks and a lot of sugar helped with that one. Eventually they just passed out on the living room floor, the dvd ending on their own at some point. Haven couldn’t even remember at one point she had fallen asleep she was that exhausted. As he egged her on for more information, Haven just stood there with her brows raised slightly, shaking her head. Only when he got the look that he actually wanted to know come across his face did she relent. ”And,” she sighed out. ”And he’s a lawyer. He’s finishing his internship up in Augusta then finding a job at a firm closer to town. Maybe with the Winslets, if not another firm just outside of town.” There Louis had the basic facts. She didn’t think he needed the nitty gritty of them meeting or how they came to be engaged which was a rather boring story. ”Well there are fans around still. Your family, remember?” And her. She could say she stopped caring when he left or even the day she decided to pick up the broken pieces of herself but that was a lie. As soon as his cds hit the shelves, she was there buying a copy. And not just a regular copy. If another store had a deluxe edition with a couple extra songs she went and bought that two. It may have many of the same songs as the first, but the cover art was different along with the extra tracks. Sometimes she ended up with three or four copies of the same cd, all of which she had tucked away in a box, in a trunk, that locked in her closet. The one place Clark never looked as a woman’s closet was a black hole to him. That night, after Louis had came by and she saw Jesse, Haven had gone through the trunk. To add to the pain she had played that first cd he released, the one with so many songs she knew from heart long before it was released. Apparently none of those words playing through her speakers had really meant anything to him at the time. Only now-now that he knew she was no longer is. Relief set in that she wasn’t the only one who didn’t know what how to go about that. The two of them were like those first days they had started to see one another. Louis had pursued her vigorously and finally she broke down after the third day of him coming around her classes. Still, she held back much like she did now and much like she still did with Clark. Little bits of his soul slipped into the cracks of her own, healing it and allowing her to open up without fear. When he took that away with leaving, Haven vowed to never let herself be completely vulnerable again and she had yet to be. Clark wasn’t with her so it’s not like she was being unfair. It was unspoken between them that neither pried deeper then what the other wanted. Haven’s head tilted downwards as she looked up at him quizzically. She knew his games and they never boded well for the other party. When his hand hit her shoulder, she let out a chortle. Oh, it was on. Haven was glad she wore her lighter winter boots, making it easier to sprint after him. As she rounded the corner of where he was, a ball of white came flying towards her. Haven’s hands went up as she ducked her head. Snow collided with the side of her head, sending the packed flacks throughout her hair and down her jacket. ”Louis! That is so not funny.” Haven didn’t bother chasing after him right away. No, she built up a mini arsenal of three tightly packed snowballs before she took off after him. Once she saw him poking his head out from behind a patch of trees, she chucked one in his direction. The last time she had acted like this was with him. Her and Clark never behaved like this. When together everything was very “grown up”, no room for childish games. Hence why he hated the feathers in her hair. He thought they were irresponsible for someone in their mid twenties to be wearing despite the fashion being started by women older then her. Some of the things Clark said about her cut deep but she also knew she couldn’t forever carry on without a care in the world. Eventually she would need to get serious and let go of things that once made her happy. Only when she had kids could she do some of those things with them. Otherwise when with Clark she’d be the woman he wanted, he deserved. He had high ambitions wanting to move up in the state government. He needed someone by his side who was respectable looking, not a girl with streaks in her hair. ”Oh Louis...where are you?” Haven crept along the tree line, her body slouched down slighty with a snowball in each hand. She was ready to bring her hands up to cover her face if needed. Parts of her hair was already damp from the snow that had melted, other parts shown with droplets that hadn’t soaked in yet. A wide grin stayed on her face while pink colored her otherwise pale face. Haven was very happy at this moment in time. It was like all the bad things that had happened between her and Louis didn’t matter. For a moment they were back to them, just minus a relationship. notes: squee - tags: louis - outfit: click!

[LOUIS ARDEN FITCH]

[/b]. Not "will you go out with me?" but "i want you to go out with me". He always had taken the most direct route to answer a question. Louis remembered that Haven had asked him Why? Why would he want to go out with her? The only thing he could saw was "When I see something I like....I gotta have it" And that had done "the trick" albeit she had been hesitant. But it didn't take either of them more than a month to solidify their relationship. Even now as Louis stared down into her sweet face, he saw that same girl he'd fallen in love with from the stage that first day.

Louis cocked his head and listened to her when she commanded him not to give that look. But he couldn't help it. If Louis had a son who had abandoned the love of his life for a music career, just because they'd had a fight, he wouldn't have been proud of him for what he'd accomplished. Louis would have taken a heavy leather belt and beat him all the way back to the girls house and made him beg her forgiveness from his knees. No, no one had any reason to be proud of him. Louis felt her hand on his chin, and then on his cheek. Instinctively his hand came up and gently held her wrist with affection, but released it a moment later when she gently pulled away. Haven hadn't jerked away from him, she hadn't suddenly realized they were touching and recoiled. She'd acting exactly as she would have when they were together. That was encouraging to Louis. And what encouraged him even more was when she said she was proud of him. Are you? he said, barely above a raspy whisper. That meant so much to Louis that she would say she was proud of him.

Louis couldn't help but chuckle at her drawn out, slightly embarrassed "no". he remembered her Lois and Clark obsession. He'd never really been into the show, oh sure there was an episode here or there that he liked. But mainly, he watched it because Haven liked it and he liked for her to be happy. Louis wasn't one of those guys that was above letting her pick the movie or going to see the sappiest chic flick ever. And he'd even do his best to get into the plot. He always analyzed the movie to make Haven laugh. He sounds like a good guy....I'm happy for you. he said genuinely. And he was. He was happier for Haven and said for himself. But he'd be happier for both of them, when he won her back.

Smiling he spoke Yah you're right. They're pretty much....fans Louis loved his parents, so very much. He loved everything they'd done for him. Everything they'd helped him through and how they'd always supported him. Louis wished they hadn't let him leave, that they'd forced him to go back to Haven that night. But it wasn't their responsibility. And he knew that forcing him to go back, might have made things erupt even more. Perhaps in the end this really was all for the best.

Louis laughed as he heard her yelling that it wasn't funny, knowing full well that she thought it was. He'd stop every couple feet and lodge a few more her direction. He'd always had a good aim and never missed his mark. Getting well ahead of her, Louis hid in a small grove of thick trees. With his back against one of the trunks, he heaved and stifled laughter as he heard her coming. Peaking out just enough to see her caring her three little snow balls, he snapped back against the tree and with his hand over his mouth, chuckled. Taking a deep breath to calm himself and keep him quiet, Louis waited until Haven was just past the tree where he was hiding, she' hadn't noticed him yet, and jumped out with a gigantic Rawwwwwrrrrrr!! and tackled her to the ground.

He laughed as she laid beneath him in the snow. Her hair slightly mussed now and her hat on crooked, he arms out to the side as if she'd been about to make a snow angel. All Louis could do was laugh hysterically. You sh-should have seen... Laughter Your face when i jumped out at you! Louis held his stomach as the muscles became sore from laughter. [/ul][/size]

[HAVEN MARGARET STOWE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i48.tinypic.com/4v3fjd.png);] I would lie & say that you're not on my mind... When Louis reached up around her wrist, the pressure wasn’t one that made her wince or want to pull away. No, as awful as it was, she just wanted to savor the moment. They were still trying to figure this out-them as friends-so little things from them as a couple were bound to present between them. Their history was deep despite only being together weeks over two years. Haven had seen a whole future with him. One couldn’t just forget that and hope for the best. When her hand was close to her body again it took a moment before she felt the cold air hit the bit of skin his fingers had made contact with. Haven’s gaze looked from side to side around his shoulder level while she nodded. ”I am. I mean it.” Louis had made some amazing records the past few years. Even if it killed her heart and soul that he had left, she never wanted to keep him from being successful. He had made a wonderful career for himself, was very much respected. How could Haven not be happy for him? Haven just couldn’t look at Louis. This was so hard, talking about another man with him. Even if it was just for a brief moment in time, this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. The more she was around him the more Haven knew that. This was supposed to be her life-with Louis. It’s one the two of them had wanted, had laid out from beginning to end. Even that they wanted four or five kids, perhaps one of them adopted. The two always wanted the large family on the farm that Haven loved. They’d get some horses and any other animals their children wanted. Eventually, when all the kids were grown and out on their own, they’d relish in the silence of a life rich with love and laughter. With Clark...the closest they came to planning is that he wanted to have a child but not for another five or six years. He never liked talking about their future unless it was outlining his politic path to the State Senate, maybe even Washington one day. All Haven could do was meekly agree. She knew what like would be like with him after all. ”Yeah, he is.” Haven was lying through her teeth. He was good enough but not a good man. Every doubt Louis had implanted last week was intensified with him. This was foolish. She shouldn’t be thinking this way. Haven loved Clark. She loved him enough to want to marry him. So why didn’t the thought of that not making it to her wedding make her feel like her world would end? ”They’ll always big your biggest fans as corny as that is.” Perhaps if they stayed on “safe” topics like his parents for a moment she could put up stop gaps so she didn’t get her feelings even more confused. If it was even possible for her to be unable to let him in, that is. Louis had broken her down once before and she knew he could do it again if he wanted to. Haven didn’t know how long they went about chucking the snowballs at one another. Her pants had spots from impact on them while her hair was fairly well soaked. Despite the cold spheres hitting her body, she felt warm from the running and the laughter. She realized how out of shape she was trying to keep up with him, having to actually stop when she made her own snowballs instead of scoop, walk and pact. Though it gave her an advantage because each time she built a little stockpile that she held close to her body. Something she half regretted when Louis sent them both to the ground. Between the impact of hitting the cold ground and the weight of him on her, Haven’s mouth hung open in shock and laughter, her eyes squinting while she tried to catch her breath. Haven tried to roll to the side while she laughed but his body had her pinned down fairly well. While she tried to control her laughter is when she took time to study him, her laughter dying down. How come she never noticed until now how truly dejected he looked? His gloomy appearance combined with haggard look, she guessed he hadn’t been sleeping very well. Probably about as well as she was. Was this because of their fight? Because she was getting married? When he had come to see her he had said he regretted leaving her and that he still loved her. She could tell that he still loved her and would do anything to be together but now, being mere inches from him, she could tell that it may have taken as large of a toll on him as it did her. Perhaps she really wasn’t the only one who had been hurting these past few years. It never had to be this way but they were both stubborn souls. Haven’s head tilted to the side and leaned up, brushing close to his lips before her breath caught, realizing what she was doing. She was engaged, she couldn’t be kissing another man, even if that man was Louis. Instead she diverted, used the turn of her head as a means to turn her whole body to push him onto his back. Then Haven rested her head in the crook of his arm, against his shoulder but kept a few inches of distance between their bodies. ”Tell me about your tours. What was it like, performing all over the place for all those people?” Haven was truly curious. The day he had brought it up he seemed purely motivated to go ahead with this plan. Which is why she had gotten mad-she saw this look like she was losing him. That night she thought she saw he had already made up his mind without her. And when she went to find him, to fix things, it was just confirmed. Now, Haven wanted to know what was so great about this career that he had left her-them-for. notes: squee - tags: louis - outfit: click!

[LOUIS ARDEN FITCH]

[/color] Louis moved to put his arms around her in a friendly embrace, like people did when they hadn't seen each other in years.

Haven didn't sound too convincing when she agreed that her fiancee was a good man. Louis could tell just by looking at Haven that she was bored with Clark. I mean come on, the guy was a lawyer. Any girl like Haven was bound to be bored stiff with a lawyer. All they knew was courtrooms and procedures and living life by-the-book. There was no room for surprises. Oh sure that was the typical anniversary gifts and birthdays and Valentines and all that, where he might on occasion come up with something creative, which was a nice surprise. But guys like Clark didn't do unexpected surprises, like Louis had for Haven, with the dinners and the necklace and other little gifts, just because he could. Louis hated to see her stagnating like this. To see her giving her energy to someone who didn't appreciate her the way Louis had and quite honestly, still could if she'd let him.

I hope so. Louis replied in reference to his parents being his biggest fan. He didn't want to do anything to mess up his relationship with his parents, like he had with Haven. Sure the relationship between Louis and Haven and between Louis and his parents was as different as two relationships could possibly be, as was fitting. But still, sometimes things just happened and people became estranged. Yes, even family.

Louis was actually kinda happy for the first time in a long time, when he and Haven wrestled in the snow. As in the past, Louis was on top and Haven was trying to get him off of her. In the old days, he'd let her win and she would crawl on top of him and lean over and kiss him, and he'd just lay there for as long as she was willing to stay. Sometimes it was 5 minutes, sometimes it was 3 hours and the two would just talk and talk about anything and everything. Louis and Haven didn't need lots of money or fancy restaurants and hotels to make good dates. All they needed was each other. Very few couples could say that, especially these days.

Louis watched Haven begin to sit up. She moved in to kiss him and as their lips brushed and he opened his mouth to receive her kiss, Louis heard Haven's breath catch and she pulled away, pushing him onto his back. He pretended not to notice what had just happened and laughed a little as he landed in the snow, arms out to his sides. He turned his head to see Haven lay next to him. Would she really be doing this if she didn't love him, like she wanted him to believe. Of course not. There was space between them, space that she was putting there. But Louis had a feeling that the space between them was going to keep getting less and less and finally, one of these days, she would give in to him.

Louis cleared his throat and tried to think about how to explain what it was like on the tour. It's fun...sometimes...and other times, I don't even want to go out there.....Sometimes I feel like I've given a show my all....sometimes, it feels like I'm just going through the motions....I feel numb and like I just want to lay down and quit. And other days I can' live without it. Without Haven at his side, Louis had often felt purposeless. Like he didn't know why he was doing all this. And really he didn't. But he concluded that it must have been that he was trying to get her attention. That's why he had written songs that held veiled messages that only she could truly interpret. Louis knew she was hearing those songs. She'd given that way. And he could guess that she'd gotten all the messages, but just been in denial about them. That was disappointing. Overall I love it...But driving across the country in a van with 5 other loud stinky men....to smelly, smoke filled rooms, to play for half lives, or taking a 15+ plain ride to foreign countries to play for people who think you're nothing more than an arrogant American anyway, isn't always the most fulfilling. Hey, he was just being honest. If he had Haven at his side, or at least supporting him from home, as his own, things would look differently to him.[/ul][/size]

[HAVEN MARGARET STOWE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i48.tinypic.com/4v3fjd.png);] I would lie & say that you're not on my mind... Haven had wished she had gone after him sooner then she did. Even if he had still gone on his tour she would have figured out a way to work around it. She could have put off her business a couple more years, put off her home. Or if she still did both find time to go out to see him. It would have been hard but not as hard as being in love with him and being unable to do anything about it. In a place she was still surprising, she knew she was still in love with him. Haven was in such deep denial that it would take a miracle to pull her out of it. Haven had always been good at tricking herself into thinking or feeling something that wasn’t true. It’s why she thought Louis had never meant anything he said during their relationship. Haven had repeated it over and over and over again in her head so many times that she actually believed it. Even if when he had been around he did everything that was the opposite of what she told herself, Haven truly believed that he didn’t love her as much as she thought he did. When he engulfed her in his arms, Haven’s own slender arms went up to wrap around his neck. ”Your welcome,” she mused into his shoulder. As they stayed like that for a moment she breathed him in. Leather mixed with a woodsy sent filled her nostrils. More memories flooded her that she tried desperately to hold back. Later...yes later Haven could and would think of all these things and break down as much as she wanted. Right now she wouldn’t. breaking down in front of him was probably the worst thing to do. Her resolve was already so weak around him and grew weaker each passing minute they were within arms reach. Still, Haven wouldn’t just leave Clark because Louis was back. She needed more reasoning. She had said yes to him for a reason so was willing to do whatever she had to in order to make her relationship work. If that meant giving bits of herself up in order to do that, then she would no matter how reluctant she might be at first. One didn’t enter an engagement or a marriage lightly. She had taken this heavily on her mind and heart. Even if she had doubts all of a sudden, she said yes to Clark for a reason. She had to find her way back to that reason. Louis was always a complicated soul, that much she had gathered from the moment they met. He seemed determined to get what he wanted and to make her happy. Perhaps a bit too determined. That caused much frustration on Haven’s end because she could handle being told no or disappointment. She had faced plenty of it being in the foster care system. It had hardened her to the harsh realities of the world. When she faced disappointment, Haven didn’t let it get to her like many people did. No, she picked herself back up and tried again with a different approach. That’s how she figured out the best ways to go to Louis about certain things based on just the way he held himself. If he needed kindness and understanding or if he needed her to be the one pushing him to go where he needed. Even when it came to his parents. She always felt special that he was so open around her but she never wanted to be the one getting in between them. He was their son first and Haven didn’t want them to think she was taking him away from them. Still, Kaya had assured her they knew she wasn’t and that they were glad for how she had changed him from his reclusive ways. That’s what them fit just right. It’s not often people got it right on the first try with finding their soul mate. Louis and Haven had but they were both fools and let it go. Perhaps one day things could be different. Be it that they were together or that they “figured out” how to bed friends without it hurting so. For now, Haven didn’t see that happening any time soon. All she saw was she wanted to be as close to him as possible. Not just talking either. She wanted to curl up besides him while he engulfed his arms around her. She wanted to feel his lips on her own, on her forehead and cheeks while they murmured softly about anything from the day they each had to when they had planned. Haven was feeling selfish as she wanted him despite being with Clark which she would never do. Haven didn’t cheat, no matter how much she loved one over the other. At least she didn’t physically cheat. An outsider who saw her and Louis or heard their conversation would certainly say that she was emotionally cheating which she would write off. Haven didn’t believe in such a thing, otherwise she’d have been “cheating” on Clark their entire relationship. That didn’t change how tempting it was to just kiss Louis right here in the snow. No one would know. It was the middle of the week and most people were at work or in school. Plus, if a friend saw her she doubted they would tell Clark seeing as most hated the man. Even her sister’s boyfriend hated him but why she didn’t know. All she knew is when she mentioned Clark when she first met Kylie he had a sour look on his face. That hadn’t gone unnoticed to Haven though she ignored it. For now, she’d settled with resting against his body while she rubbed her nails together in circles through her gloves. She angled her head so she could hear him every word he was saying. His tone didn’t sound as enthused as she thought it would. She figured he would have had a blast. When Louis had first told her about it that’s how he made it sound. What had changed over time from that night? Sure, it wasn’t glamorous as “big names” like Beyonce or Maroon 5 but it had to still be amazing. Haven rotated her body so she was on her stomach, her body propped up on her elbows. Her face took on a confused look. ”I don’t understand...I know it can’t be easy but in all your interviews you made it sound so much better. Why would you say that if it wasn’t true?” Haven had never known him to lie, even to her. Maybe something had changed or maybe there was some piece she was missing. Suddenly her neck flushed red as she gave away that yes, she had kept even closer tabs then she let on before. Little by little, Haven was revealing more then she had planned on it. It was hard not to considering how desperate she was for news these last four years. A part of her hoped that maybe he would mention her even once but aside from alluding to certain songs being for “someone special” nothing came out. And that someone special could have been his parents for all she knew or some other girl. How was Haven to know. notes: squee - tags: louis - outfit: click!

[LOUIS ARDEN FITCH]

[/color] he laid his head back down in the snow again, looking up at the darkening sky above them. No one wants to hear someone who's rich and famous and has the ability to get everything they ever needed or wanted, complain about their job....So I only ever referenced the times that I'd enjoyed it and hid the rest. That was how Louis was. The whole world didn't need to know that sometimes it sucked to do what he did. And it wouldn't have done his career any good if he'd told them. Louis wasn't quite lying in those interviews, because it wasn't always miserable.

Removing a glove, Louis reached down and pulled his shirt up a little, to scratch an area that was itching, accidentally revealing a tattoo that was there on the right side of his abdomen. It read (in fancy lettering)[/ul]

Vous et Moi pour tout l'infini

[/color] He really wasn't trying to make things harder on her. He just needed to know. He assumed by the way she'd been acting today, that she had indeed missed it. But assumptions tended to be very dangerous things. I'm sorry...you don't have to answer that if you don't want to. He moved to look away from her. His chest sunk seep as he sighed than refilled a moment later and he sat up. You wanna go get some hot cocoa or something? Louis asked.[/ul][/size]

[HAVEN MARGARET STOWE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i48.tinypic.com/4v3fjd.png);] I would lie & say that you're not on my mind... When Haven lost him that had been the biggest blow of her life. Even bigger then when her adoptive parents were arrested. She was just a young child then. Yes, being “given back” to the system was hard on her being so small, so innocent of an age. But she was young and resilient, she could move past it easily. Most kids in the system did or else they’d be bullied by ones much older. That’s why she thought she could handle him being gone. When she packed up his things to bring to his parents house that’s when it hit. That’s when her resolve broke. From then she looked over his bands fan pages and their official Facebook page. Of course she avoided looking at his tour dates least she be tempted to go see him. Even as early as about four months ago-yes, after her engagement-she had perused his page. Never while Clark was home or else her face might give away what she was feeling. Buried in her books marks, within several folders, was a folder dedicated to things having to do with Louis. A folder she hadn’t gone to in months in her feeble attempt to move on. She shrugged as she looked over his shoulder before she gazed back at him. ”True I guess…” Still, he made it sound like when times were bad they were downright miserable. That really couldn’t be so, could it? Maybe Haven was just reading into things too much. Without much thought she turned her head so she laid the side of her head on his chest. She felt his racing heart through his shirt and jacket, felt the little ‘thump, thump, thump, thump’ as it moved at a quickened pace. In a way it felt nice knowing she wasn’t the only one whose pulse was racing from nerves. Though Haven’s were much different then Louis’ probably were. Or so she figured. After she opened her eyes, she watched his hand moved across his smooth, unblemished skin. Wait, not so unblemished. Haven’s eyes squinted as she tried to read the tattoo he had gotten. It had been years since she had to speak French, which she knew was that. Soundlessly, she murmered the words to herself, hoping to trigger something. The last word is what did it. l'infini. Infinity. Her heart felt like it had dropped into her stomach while she tried to catch her breath to stop the tears. After she figured out that word the rest fell into place. It’s what he always told her, almost on a daily basis. Haven would repeat her own variation of the saying back. That’s what led to her getting her own tattoo as well. Just an infinity symbol with two small dots between her shoulder blades. Haven tried not to break down right there. He actually got their saying tattooed on his body. That was something permanent, for all to see. If they didn’t end up together he’d have to explain that to whomever he married one day. Would she be angry that he had a tattoo of something so intimate he had shared with another woman on his body? Or would she not care, probably having something similar herself? Haven tried to steady her nerves but it didn’t help when Louis asked her if they missed them being together. Her head turned back up, her chin resting where her ear was moments before. Her gaze started down at his chest where her head was and swept upwards until she met his eyes. Her heart felt like two bricks were pressing on either side of it as she laid there. Haven had to swallow back the emotions that had swelled up into her throat before she could even attempt to answer him. Finally she had to move to be propped on her side using one elbow for support when he moved away from her. As her head shook, her hair fell over her shoulder to cascade down the side of her arm. ”Of course I do.” Tears shone in her eyes as she tried to steady her breathing, pushing herself up to sit upright beside him. ”I never stopped missing you or us being together. I still don’t.” Like everything else she had done thus far, Haven didn’t think as she moved in towards him. Her body turned in to him as she pushed her body up so she was on her knees. She leaned forward while her hands went up to cusp his face. Their lips finally met as she finally gave into the kiss she wanted to give him. A few tears slide down her face as she moved her lips over his, seeking the flame that they had once shared. Clark was far away from her mind as she pressed against Louis’ body, deepening their kiss as the sky turned dusky. Everything she had missed about him the last four years was felt in that moment. Her left hand slide down his neck so it rested on his chest, gripping at his jacket as her breathing got heavy with each kiss passed between them. The other tangled in his hair along the back of his head so she could pull him closer to her. Oh how Haven had missed Louis. Not just this, the kissing. She missed their moments together playing like they had just done in the snow. She missed talking to him so openly, something she didn’t do with her fiancée. Haven had him back and she would relish this moment, be it short lived or long term. Right now Haven didn’t want to figure it out. She just wanted to keep giving herself into this moment with Louis. notes: squee - tags: louis - outfit: click!

[LOUIS ARDEN FITCH]

[/color] He pleaded. I know I was stupid....I know I hurt you deeply....But I still love you....and you still love me.....We are meant to be....I know you gve Clark your word and you want to be fair to him.....But is it fair to him, to be his wife, when your heart doesn't belong to him? Louis had always been good at telling Haven things she needed to hear. This time was no different.[/ul][/size]

[HAVEN MARGARET STOWE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i48.tinypic.com/4v3fjd.png);] I would lie & say that you're not on my mind... Haven’s leg moved over Louis’ right one so she hovered above it which allowed her to press closer to him. Her brain was so clouded with the moment that she didn’t think to restrain herself because she was in a relationship. The fact that Louis had broken her heart when he left her without so much as a goodbye was gone. She felt like her veins had fire coursing through them from the intensity of the hunger they had for one another. Tiny breaths were drawn in when possible but breathing didn’t even matter. What mattered to Haven was his tongue entwined with hers and the little nip she gave his lower lip as his hand found it’s way up her shirt. A soft groan left her lips as she felt his hand over her skin. A shiver of pleasure ran down her spine. It had been too long since anyone had touched her like this, touched her to the very core of her being. Louis was reawakening the side of Haven she had long ago suppressed. When Louis pulled away Haven looked into his eyes, her desire still there. That desire started to dim just slightly when he pleaded with her to come back. Suddenly her actions came crashing down over Haven as he breathing became shallow between trying to catch it and chastising herself for what she had done. Haven was an awful person for leading Louis on like this, giving him false hope. ”I-” Haven’s mouth hung open for a moment before she closed it, shame washing over her. ”I-I have to go.” Haven pushed herself out of Louis’ grasp. She grabbed her hat and shoved it in her pocket before she started a quick pace down the path, not quite running as she could hardly breath. Haven had acted irrationally when she threw herself at Louis like that. It had felt good-God it had felt so good-but it was wrong. That was not the kind of girl Haven was. One hand went up to press to her lips, still swollen from the fervor of their kissing. Louis was right in the fact her heart didn’t belong to Clark. It probably never fully would but she had to try. She was going to marry him. In three or four months they’d set a date. Maybe if she took the feathers out of her hair and stopped pestering him about spending more time here they could set a date sooner. Yes, sooner. Haven needed to marry him soon before she kept making stupid mistakes like this. She was being careless and childish. That being said, why did the thought of going home and seeing images of her and her fiancée together make her feel sick to her stomach? No-she was going to be sick to her stomach. Haven pulled off to the side of the trails and started to dry heave above the snow while she leaned against a tree for support. Whenever she felt severely stressed her body tried to expel the stress. Unfortunately Haven had nothing in her stomach so she ended up dry heaving until more tears flowed out. Damn Louis for bring this side of Haven out again! notes: squee - tags: louis - outfit: click!